Fade Into Me
by Siobhan B. Masen- Fraser
Summary: When Bella leaves Edward behind to go off to college, will he flounder without her or will a new model help him find himself? Will they find a way to make it back to each other? E/Maria for now, but an E/B story I promise, rated M for lang and lemons **COMPLETE**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is an entry to the The Opposites Attract Contest. It was an exercise for me to see if I could write something other than E/B story. Well, I could BUT...in my head the whole time I wrote it, I was plotting how I could turn it into an E/B story. So, I will say this before you even get started on it, it will be a story where E/B end up together. I hope you enjoy the journey for these two...**

**Eternally Addicted and AnonymouslysufferingfromOCD(now you see why I always just say Jen?) both beta'd this thing for me, there were several songs that played on repeat while I wrote this:At This Moment-Billy Vera, Know Better-Elliott Yamin, Perfectly Lonely-John Mayer, Seven Days-Kenny Chesney.**

**As always I have polyvore sets for this story, the link is on my profile as well as a link for the banners I won!  
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**Pairing: Edward/Maria, for now, eventually Edward/Bella. (I have at least two more chapters to post on this thing)**

**Summary: When Bella leaves Edward behind to go off to college, will he flounder without her? Or will a new model help him find himself?**

**Disclaimer: As much as it would please me to tell you that Twilight and all that it entails belongs to me, I can't do it. It is the sole property of Stephanie Meyer. I do love playing with her things tho, don't you?**

Fade Into Me ~ Edward

I left the apartment and stood in the rain while I waited for a cab to stop. Because of the rain they were all busy, it's expected. New York is what it is and in the rain it is hell! I sounded bitter as this entire internal monologue played out in my mind and to be honest I really don't feel that way.

We were together for a while and I saw us drifting apart. We had been kids when we had started and let's be honest most high school romances don't last. I guess we could chalk it up to the fact that we had grown up and had changed. I didn't hate her and I certainly didn't blame her for going off to England when the offer had come up. She had won the scholarship over thousands of other people. Problem was, it left me alone now. I had gotten a new job, a new apartment and a new relationship status…single.

A cab had finally stopped for me and I climbed in. He beckoned for my destination and I replied, "JFK." I have a flight out to, at least, a sunny location. I checked my phone again to make sure that no last minute changes had come up. After I saw that things are all good, I sat back and watched the scenery go by.

I thought of Bella again. I thought of all the things we had done together. How I had run to her when my parents had been killed. How she had held me all night and had let me cry. I thought of how I returned the favor when her mother had left her with Charlie. She loved him, but it was still hard not to feel the sting of a mother leaving her only child. All the dances we had attended with all of our friends. It had never been about the dancing it had always been more about being with our friends. I thought back to the night in the back seat of my car and how she had given me her virginity. How she had never laughed at me when I had finally revealed that she had taken mine that night as well.

See the thing with us both was that we thought things through. We had planned, we had calculated and had never taken any risks. I guess that had been part of our downfall. We had stayed with what was safe. Bella and I had been two of a kind and on paper we had made sense. But in life…not so much.

I would never forget her words as she had spoken them to me that night. "Edward, don't you want to lay in your deathbed and say what a great life I had?" Her eyes pleaded with me to agree with her. I hadn't been sure I was strong enough to do it, so I had only shrugged. "I do," she continued, "I love you, Edward, with all of my heart. You're attached to almost every memory I have but we need more. I need more. I can't settle for what I've got. I have to try life on my own and see what I can make of it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I think it is happening for a reason. I think we're supposed to go our separate ways." I tried to open my mouth to answer her but she stopped me. "Edward, I want a love that consumes me, a love that I know without a doubt that the other person is my soul mate. We don't have that Edward. We have meh…it is safe, comfortable and we are too damned afraid to step out of it. Well, it's time we grew up and took a real risk. Now's the time." She kissed my forehead and stepped back onto the first step of our big porch. "You'll do fine, I have faith in you. Go and live, Edward, go and enjoy life." She turned and ran before I could even stop her. Two hours later Esme found me as I stood there in the same spot on the porch, I leaned against the rail and tried to ponder what the hell I would do now. How I would live life without the carefully laid out plan that Bella and I had made all through our high school years.

She was right, we had loved each other but we weren't really in love. I had felt comfortable with her but I didn't burn for her. I didn't walk into a room and beg my feet to walk over to her so that I could simply touch her skin. And I have to admit that after watching my parents and later Carlisle and Esme, yes I did want that kind of love. Both couples showed me that it was possible, I just had to hold out for it.

Yet here I was two years later and still no attainable soul mate in sight. I had quickly finished my photojournalism degree and had gone to work. Esme had managed to pull some strings for me and I had gotten a job shooting models for a small but up and coming fashion magazine. Once I had gotten a little experience, I was able to book a few jobs at a time like the one I was rushing off to now. Me, a model, usually Peter and Charlotte, and a really nice location. It was up to me to make them look even more beautiful in pictures so that we could both make money. Not a bad life, if I do say so myself. The problem was that I was rushed from location to location and was never able to spend enough time getting to know anyone. And to make matters worse I settled in New York. I mean I do love this city; I'm just ready to feel like my life is stable. However, that's the last thing I feel right now.

I boarded the plane and settled into my seat, the one beside me was thankfully empty. I wish I had a name to apply to this 'offness' that I was still feeling after the last couple of years. I wanted to blame it on the fact that Bella had left but I really couldn't. We had been far from ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other. So in a sense she had saved us both from a mistake that would have ended up in the same place a few years from now with perhaps kids involved. Then where would we have been? Shit out of luck, that was where.

The stewardess had woken me up as the plane touched down with a loud shriek of the tires as they met the asphalt of the runway. I shook off the sleep that was still begging me to fall back into its comfortable arms and began to gather my stuff. My hands go to my bag that contained my laptop, camera and my wallet, the things that mean the most to me. I can do without clothes, I can buy those but to show up at a photo shoot without my camera would be inexcusable.

I had heard that this particular model, Mandy or something like that was extremely hard to work with. I wasn't ready to deal with that right now, for sure. I would just grin and bear it because this damn job paid way too much for some stuck up model to ruin it for me. Besides Aro had said he 'wouldn't take any bullshit from any of you new kids, I'll fire your asses so fast it'd make your heads spin'. That was certainly the last thing I needed.

I met up with Peter and Charlotte at the hotel. Peter was going to help with the location and lighting, while Charlotte would help with wardrobe, hair and make-up. I had worked with them before and knew they were going to be an asset on this shoot. Jasper, my best friend and brother in law, introduced me to them a few years back. If nothing else I knew that Peter liked to drink so I would enjoy the after shoot at least. We had all made plans to meet up at a local bar down the street before we separated in the hall to go to our rooms to drop off our stuff.

A shower and a quick change of clothes made all the difference in how I felt. The air was warm and balmy in Charleston so I dressed casually in shorts and a button up shirt. I messed with my hair and attempted to tame it before I left and walked the few blocks to the bar. I saw Peter and Charlotte as soon as I entered. They were huddled up at the bar with a large crowd. It was obvious that they had begun to play a drinking game by the chants and calls that surrounded them. I have to give it to Charlotte, once I made my way close enough to see for sure, she hung with the boys and out drank a few. In fact, she slammed her empty beer glass down on the bar only a fraction of a second after some local did. I say local because he definitely didn't have the look of a business man here for a short stay. His hair was long and his clothes looked like he had slept in then a few nights. As my eyes took in the other few participants in this game, Peter slammed his glass down and threw his hands up in air. He was certainly proud of his victory.

"What are you celebrating for; Charlotte kicked your ass, fucker." I slapped his chest as I roughly pushed my other hand against his back. I knew the movements couldn't feel that good with all that beer in his stomach. His green face told me I was exactly right about it.

"Yeah but I beat all of them." He waved his hand around as he indicated losers around him. "See each person that finishes their glass before you, you have to pay them ten dollars. So I only pay out twenty," His hand waved at the local and Charlotte, "But they," he waved at the losers again, "pay me." His half-drunk smile was priceless and I wished that I had my camera to capture it. "I win." He began to dance around in a circle with his fists in the air. When he began to bounce from foot to foot I expected him to yell, 'Yo Adriane!' Thankfully, it didn't happen.

"Well, Rocky, so glad for you but you're cut off because I don't want to deal with your attitude from a raging hangover. Come on." I grabbed Charlotte's free hand as she took in all of her winnings from the others. When her eyes met mine I tilted my head to indicate the direction I wanted us to move and she began to follow, she grabbed the last two ten dollar bills that were begrudgingly shoved in her direction.

"Woo, who knew South Carolina boys were so easy?" She counted and folded her winnings and stuffed them in the top of her bra. We talked, laughed, and drank for a while. We didn't drink a lot, mostly just nursed the beers we held. Tomorrow would come so fast for us and we knew that we needed to be on top of our game. Peter and Charlotte were almost like family to me so it was easy to just relax and enjoy their company. I also relished the idea of being with company that would not ask about Bella constantly.

As soon as that thought began I shut it down, I didn't want to spend tonight thinking of her. I wanted to enjoy tonight, to just be free from those confines and take it easy.

A few minutes later I saw her walk in. You know that scene in the movies when everything else stills around you and she walks by. Her hair swishes across your face and you fall instantly in love? Well it was almost like that but not quite. I saw her, she briefly saw me and then she turned to go in the opposite direction. The entire group of girls moved as one blob, they all talked at once, it was hard to make sense of anything within that little circle. I raised an eyebrow as I noticed that Peter intently looked from girl to girl, he weighed his options with them. I just turned back to the bar and took another long sip of my beer. I had lost count of how many we'd each had by this point, of course I knew Peter and Charlotte were both way ahead of me. I decided that we should cut our losses so to speak and head out now while each of us could still walk out the door.

The warm night air hit my face as we stepped back out onto the street. Peter gripped my arm and I held him steady, I prayed that if he was going to puke that he would either do it now or wait till he was in his hotel room. Just not on me. Charlotte must have understood my thought because she blanched and took a step back from him. I tilted my head and nodded my chin towards the road and hopefully gave the signal for Charlotte to hail us a cab. When she turned to step closer to the road I sighed. We just had to get Peter back to the hotel and quickly.

Just as the cab stopped curbside for us the door to the bar opened and she spilled out of it. She yelled, she cursed and she threw her hands around like a mad woman. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and thanked whatever deity that she didn't see me and have that movie moment I joked about back there in the bar a few hours ago. I didn't want to be saddled with this woman for any length of time!

"Who the fuck does he think he is? He can't do this, I'll fucking show him! I mean it this time; I've had it up to here with him. If he even so much breathes at me the wrong way I'll end him," she fumed as another friend tried to end her Drama Queen tirade. She noticed me as I took quick glance at her and she took the opportunity to scream at me, "What the fuck are you looking at?" I turned away and pretended that I didn't know she was talking to me. We didn't have time to deal with the cops tonight, especially for this.

"Maria, he's just looking around, he's not looking at you." Her friend cooed at her.

"The fuck he wasn't, I mean really. You would think that a person could have a minor nervous breakdown in public and people would have the common decency to look away. Not him though, oh hell no, he has to stare at me." I had turned my back on them as I helped Peter into the cab. I climbed in and shut the door. We made our way back to the hotel.

Peter and Charlotte both stayed in her room so she could look after Peter. I made my way to my room. This is when it was the hardest to cope with Bella's absence- when I was alone at night, in bed. The time that we usually shared things with each other, we talked about our day and things that were going on. Most of the time it was by phone but it was still a routine for us. Perhaps it was habit more than anything else really but it still hurt that it was gone. I drifted off to a fitful sleep. Fitful described most of my life now, and it certainly described my sleep.

When I woke up just before the sun came up, I knew without a doubt that I couldn't go back to sleep. In a huff, I threw the covers off and made my way to the shower. The shower was doing a great job of calming my tense muscles but nothing to help the way my mind ran in circles. I over thought everything, I questioned and I just plain doubted myself. For once I wanted to live and let live, not worry. I resolved myself to just let it all go, to live and enjoy. No more worry wart Edward, this was my time. I was young, employed and for the first time in my adult life single.

I wasn't a jerk that would sleep with anything with two legs but fuck if I wanted to explore my sexuality then I would. I could learn who I was and just be me. I stepped out of the shower and wiped off the excess water with a clear head. I could do this, I would do this. I couldn't lay down and die because a romance didn't work out.

I texted Peter and Charlotte when I was dressed to let them know that I was going to head off to the location. I spent about two hours as I walked around to make sure that the three spots Peter had picked out were good ones. I agreed with his choices and found two more to stop at as well. When I made it back to the first location Charlotte had the model in her makeup chair and was busy as she made up her face. Peter paced around in a semi-circle while he chewed on his thumb nail. Something was definitely up because usually Peter was very laid back. My stomach lurched at the thought of more shit to deal with but I stepped up to him and asked for it right out right like a man. "You might as well go ahead and tell me now." I sighed and dropped my bag to the make shift desk for me to work from.

"Now, don't get pissed Edward. She doesn't seem to remember a single thing at all, only her friend does and she cautioned us both. So if you play your cards right she won't even know and we can all get on with this and be done. Okay?" I scratched my head as Peter talked because so help me God, I didn't understand a single word he said to me. I mean I understood them but they made no sense to me, at all.

"Peter, start that all over and this time include details that you left out the last time. Okay?" Peter nodded like a small child and started his tale all over again. Turns out what Peter meant was that our model for today was none other than the Bitchy Drama Queen from last night at the club. I seethed in annoyance. The good thing was that she didn't remember a single thing from then. I knew this because Peter said it like a million times to remind me. So I agreed with him that it was fine to just play it cool and get this job over with. Peter and Charlotte exchanged a short nod of the head while he went about his job and set up the first and second areas we would work with.

When Charlotte was done with Maria, she made her way over to me so we could talk about the shoot a little. I showed her on my laptop screen the five places I chose to shoot her and Charlotte showed her which outfits she would be wearing at each location.

Turns out her agent didn't think that people take her seriously any longer and wanted her to do some rather risqué shots to prove she's still got what it takes now that she had grown up a little. The instructions were clear, push the envelope, no cutsie little girl shots, all hot steamy sex sells kind of stuff. I would spend the whole day shooting pictures of a woman half-dressed and she was a bitch. It was going to be hard to inspire myself to make this work, if I did succeed, this would be some award winning shit right here.

We walked a few feet to set up the screens so they would filter the light around Maria while she got dressed or half dressed in her first outfit. When she stepped out I almost swallowed my tongue. She was beautiful, bitch or not, it would not be as hard as I first thought to capture her beauty on camera for the world to see.

A few shots in and Maria was a natural, she moved and posed like a pro, before I could even direct her to. She instinctively knew what to do with her body and how to make herself look even more radiant in person. Her skin glowed in the sunlight, the light natural tan highlighted by the clear blue ocean that crashed to shore in the background. We finished up there and we moved off alone to the second spot. She would stay in the same outfit so there was no need for Peter and Charlotte to follow with us. This was the first chance I had gotten to talk to her since the last hour or so I had just barked commands at her.

"So what do you think of the location?" I asked, unable to come up with something more intelligent to offer.

"It's beautiful here, but maybe I'm biased because I was born and raised here." She glanced at me shyly through the curtain of her hair. The long brown hair was bouncy and had highlights sprinkled through-out. It should have reminded me of Bella's but at this point in time it did anything but that.

"What do you mean? I thought you were from Brazil. According to your bio you are anyway." She chuckled as soon as Brazil left my lips.

"Yeah, Aro thought that had a much more exotic ring than Charleston, South Carolina. It's not all a lie though because my mom's family is from Brazil. I have a few great aunts that still live there." She shrugged and held up her hands that showed her indifference to the lie about her heritage.

"So, what else is a lie about you?" I wanted the words back as soon as I said them. She supposedly didn't remember and there was no need for me to stir the shit pot if I didn't have to.

"Well, some people say I'm a bitch but I don't think that's true." I choked on her words. When she spoke her next words I was taken aback by surprise once again at her sincerity this time. "I just found out that my baby sister's husband had beaten her again. I don't think losing my temper over that is any reason to call me a bitch, do you?" she asked as if I were a disinterested party and had no stake in this little conversation at all.

"No, I mean who the hell would do that to a completely non bitchy person such as yourself?" I grabbed my chest and feigned shock.

Her eyes turned soft and scared. "It's the third time he's done that to her and she is scared to leave. She's scared that he'll come after my parents or make trouble for me if she does. I told her to leave him no matter what." Her gaze dropped to our feet as they made contact with the sand. "My dad said he thought she would this time." I grabbed her hand and halted our progress.

"I'm sorry." The words were not enough to express the feelings I felt about my reaction to her tirade now. I understood and felt like an ass for the quick judgment I passed last night when I didn't know a thing about her or her situation before I judged.

"It's okay, I'm sure it didn't look innocent from your vantage point, I had to look like a bitch." She chuckled.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, my dad says she will." She moved her thumb against the skin on the back of my hand and I realized that we still had our hands interlocked. I looked up to realize that we were at the jetty rocks that I wanted to have her pose on top of so there was no reason to let her hand go right now anyway. Besides if I'm honest with myself it felt so damn nice to be there to hold her hand.

I helped her up and sat her atop a large outcropping of the rocks with the sun positioned at her back. It glowed around her like a halo. I dropped the camera and just stood and marveled at her. She smiled for a few seconds, and then she began to fidget. I guess I made her uncomfortable. It was ridiculous to me that a model who was used to being looked at would grow uncomfortable under my gaze. I snapped the camera back up and began to click pictures of her.

The afternoon wore on and we took numerous shots at numerous locations with numerous outfits. In fact we ran through every single option that Charlotte had brought with her. We had nothing else to change her into. Charlotte suggested that we try some body paint on Maria. It was made to look like a sports jersey she would half wear but it was body paint. Body paint that on camera completely covered her, but in real life showed me every single detail of her beautiful body. I grew uncomfortable at that point in time. It was hard to hide the fact that I was turned on by Maria and the way she knew to move her body. I wanted to take advantage of my freedom and show her how I would spend hours appreciating her, worshipping her. Funny how last night I mourned that freedom and today I wanted to celebrate it. Life is ever changing.

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><p><strong>EN: I changed around the chapters a little to make them all match in size. Sorry if this confused anyone!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This wasn't meant to confuse anyone I swear. I just wanted the chapters closer in size to one another for those that didn't read it as a one shot, if you read the one shot then this was in there and will be old news. Again, this was for a contest and I had to write Edward with someone other than Bella. So have faith in the fact that I am an E/B HEA kinda girl! Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 2-Edward<p>

I finally called a wrap on the shoot when Charlotte threatened to kill me if I offered one more suggestion to anyone. Maria's eyes danced with amusement as I cowered down to her and yelled at Peter that we were done. Maria and Charlotte moved back behind the make shift curtain to get her all dressed again while Peter and I cleaned up the equipment and light filters.

Our clean-up was done way before Maria's would ever be. The paint as it turned out wasn't so easy to clean off. I promised to wait for Maria as Peter and Charlotte tried to rush back to catch a flight back to New York for another job.

Maria made her way out from behind the curtain and I saw that she simply put on a man's white dress shirt and a pair of jean shorts on over her painted on t-shirt. Her hair blew in the late afternoon breeze and she looked beautiful.

"Hey," I whispered when she approached me. "Peter and Charlotte had to catch a flight back to New York tonight so they took off." I hitched my thumb back behind me to further explain my words. I had no idea why I was suddenly shy around her.

"Yeah Charlotte mentioned it earlier in make-up. It's a shame, I hoped to have some dinner with them since I don't know anyone else here in town." She curled her full lips up into a pout.

"I thought your family lived here, aren't you from here?" I stammered.

"Years ago they did, my dad moved my mom to Miami when all of us kids moved away from home. So, no one is here anymore."

"Oh." Was the brilliant response my brain chose.

"Are you staying?" she asked attentively.

"Yeah, I don't have a flight out till tomorrow evening." Her eyes lit up until she heard the ending of my sentence, apparently she didn't like the fact that I was leaving tomorrow evening.

"Oh." It was her turn for a brilliant response.

"Why don't we get dinner since I don't know anyone and neither do you?" My brain finally caught up with my body.

"Okay, can we stop by my house so I can change since this is…you know…" Her words trailed off and I realized that the longer the paint stayed on the more it flaked off. Soon she would be bare to the whole world.

"Oh, sure. Lead the way. I walked though." I grabbed my two bags and we headed off towards the parking area.

"No problem, since I drove."

When we were firmly settled in the car and she had maneuvered out into traffic I asked the question that I was dying to know. "Why do you keep a house here if no other family lives here?"

"I love it here, I feel free. No one really pays that much attention to me and I feel normal. No gawkers here." She shifted her Audi and I watched as her arm muscles tightened and relaxed. I was in deep for this girl and we had only known each other for a few hours. I guess this is what Bella meant when she said live a little. I hoped it was anyway. Because this is what I wanted, no preplanned thoughts, just acting out each moment without thought.

Maria unlocked her door and moved directly through the house and to the patio out back. She pulled her shirt off and threw it across a lounge chair as she passed it. She also dropped her shorts to show me that she still wore her blue bikini bottoms to match her painted on shirt. She turned on the outdoor shower and began to wash the flaky paint off of her body. I stood and watched. I wanted to turn away but her body called to me and I couldn't move even if my life had depended on it.

She brushed the last of the paint off of her body as she caught my eyes. I tried not to look at her now bare breasts but I couldn't stop myself. She smirked when she caught my gaze flick down and back up again. "You've seen them all damn day. I figured that it wouldn't hurt for you see them now." She shrugged again. I shrugged back. Thankfully her bottoms stayed on because I wasn't sure what would have happened if she had removed those and stood there bare assed naked with me this close to her. I did _not_ have that much restraint.

She drove us again to dinner, something casual as I still had on my shorts and button up shirt that I had worn all day. She was dressed in a flowing sundress that showed off her perfect breasts again with some sandals that hugged her feet. I felt like a Victorian aged freak asI ogled her feet like they were forbidden from view like years before. But they were just as perfect as the rest of her body and I knew that they were attached to her shins which were attached to her thighs which were attached to her…well you get the idea. It wasn't the feet and ankles it was all of her. I was officially horny!

All through out dinner we talked and I found out that Maria was not just a pretty face but very intelligent as well. She discussed the new discovery at the unearthed tomb in Egypt, the national deficit, the presidential candidates that would run for office in the next two years as well as several new books that I had read. I was blown away. She also revealed that she had a history degree from Yale and wanted to travel the word sightseeing and not working. At some point our hands had found their way across the table to tangle together again. It was okay with me that they did.

When dinner was over I suddenly felt sad that my time with her had to come to an end. I wanted more, more time and more of her. She eased my nerves when she asked if I wanted to come back to her place for a while. I said yes, it certainly beat staying in at my room beating off to her memory. This way I at least stood a chance at making out with her.

Maria opened her door and I held it for her to enter before me. Just as I stepped through she spun around to face me and pushed the door closed behind me. Her body came in contact with mine and she used her weight and my surprise to push me against the wall. Her kissable lips met mine and I wasted no time in diving in with her. Her mouth opened to me and I pushed my tongue inside of her. I prayed that it would not be the only thing that I pushed into her tonight. Her hands gripped my arms as she moved her pelvis back and forth across mine. I moaned into her open mouth.

"Maria, what are you doing to me?"

Her eyes matched the smile on her face.

"Stay with me, Edward?"

I wanted to explain that this wasn't the kind of thing that I normally did, and how I wasn't prepared to stay with her. But her mouth halted all of those thoughts when she leaned forward and sucked my tongue out of my mouth and into hers. I just nodded my acceptance at her. She smiled again. Her hands left my fore arms and began to unbutton my shirt. I wanted her out of her dress but I had no idea how to do it. I didn't know if I should just pull it up and over her head or pull it down, or…hell I was lost so I'd let her take care of that part. Hands, tiny hands, ran over my chest as she teased my nipples and lightly scraped her nails across my abs. I couldn't help but suck in a shaky breath as I imagined her hands going lower, as they would scrape across other parts of me.

For a moment I pondered if I should be nervous about the fact that Maria would only be the second person that I had slept with, and then I pushed that thought out of my mind. She was responding to me just as much as I responded to her, so that put all inadequacy fears out of my mind. "Fuck," I mumbled as she did indeed lower her hands and brushed against my hard cock outside of my clothes.

"Damn, Edward. You make me so crazy." She panted as I placed open mouthed kisses along her neck while she craned her head to give me more room. "I don't do this you know? Take home guys, I mean."

"I know, baby, me either." I tried to kiss her neck again as she pushed me away.

"No, I mean it, this has never happened to me before. I have never wanted," she waved her hands between me and her, "before. Ever."

I withdrew my hand from her thigh under her dress and touched her cheek with the back of my fingers. "Me either, seriously." My fingers glided along her skin and she took a few minutes to think things through. Her forehead pushed up against mine and I wrapped my other hand around her neck to hold her to me. I knew I wasn't in love with her but I could certainly see myself as I enjoyed life with Maria. She had something about her that pulled out all the right qualities in me. I liked who I was with her and we had only been together for less than twelve hours.

Her smile alerted me to the decision that she made and I leaned in to kiss her again. When our lips parted, I whispered, "We can stop if you want to." Her head shook its denial immediately and I smiled because I didn't want to stop either.

"No, come with me, okay?" She stepped back and pulled my hand towards the back of the house. I followed willingly.

Her bed was massive, white and looked like a cloud had settled here on earth. It was surrounded by pale blue walls with white billowy curtains. She stopped to open the glass doors that looked out onto the beach so that the breeze flowed through and danced the curtains up and around the room. Her hair followed suit with the curtains. It all felt magical and electrified.

We stopped by the bed and she pushed my opened shirt off of my arms and I wrapped them around her. My hand found its way back under her skirt and pushed it up to her waist. I hitched her leg around my waist and dipped my body so that my hard cock lined up with her before I pushed them against each other. Her moan was my reward. She was practically wrapped around me. I lowered us both to the edge of the bed. She settled her hips right across my erection. The pleasure was sweet and yet torture all at the same time. It was like a starving man that had to watch someone eat a meal through a glass window, it was close enough to almost get to it and yet not be able to. I wanted her in the worst way.

When my hand fumbled through the straps of her dress several times as I tried to figure out how to take it off of her, she gave in and helped me. I felt so silly when she simply pulled it over her head and tossed it to the floor. That thought was immediately replaced when I took in her beautiful body. Sure, I had seen it all day in various states of undressed as we took picture after picture. That was different in my mind; that was work. This was pleasure, this time I could enjoy what she offered, earlier I couldn't. Earlier we were coworkers. Now, well now we're lovers.

I buried my head into the crook of her neck and showered her with kisses again as my hand tentatively reached up to touch her breast. I took the full weight of it in my hand and pressed my thumb back and forth across the hard nipple. Her sweet body was so damn responsive and she reacted to every single thing I did. I felt like the greatest lover alive because I knew that she made those sounds, those reactions based on things I had done to her. It spurred me on even further. I took her nipple into my mouth and sucked it gently then harder when she arched against me.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed. I wrapped my hand around her other breast and tweaked her nipple. I made sure to alternate from one to the other to keep her excited. Maria looked glorious as she sat across my lap with her upper body bare to me, her head thrown back in ecstasy and her body responded to each movement by mine. When her head dropped back to a normal position she reached for my belt. I sat back and allowed her to do as she pleased. Her tiny hands looked so tan against the pale white skin of my stomach.

On Tuesday morning when I woke up Maria laid beside me but she stared out at the rain that was running down the outside of her windows. The one glass door that we had left open last night was now the entry point for the rain that had run down the billowy curtains as it pooled on the hardwoods. To most people it would seem as if this was a dampener on the day but for us it was perfect. Maria was pressed up against my chest as I placed kisses along her body and played with her long beautiful hair.

The rain seemed to wash away the pasts we both had lived through and made everything new again. We both got to start off with a fresh new beginning, right here in this bed, with each other and the rain. The entire day was spent in bed with each other. Several times we left it to pull together a make shift meal for ourselves but other than that we were cocooned with each other.

We talked about any and everything; I was never in fear of sharing what I really wanted out of life because there were no expectations with Maria. I couldn't disappoint her; she had no preconceived notions about me, she just listened to me and told me about herself. It was open and honest, probably the most honest conversation I had ever had. I relished every single second of it. It was what I had craved for so long yet never really knew that this was what it was. Now that I look at it what I thought was the need for order and perfection was actually the exact opposite. I wanted truth, but at the same time I wanted chaos and uncertainty. I wanted to live on the edge and relish the feel of the wind as it blew through my hair. I was just too fucking scared to let go of the handles on life and actually step out there to the edge.

It rained throughout the night and we lay awake late making love and listening to the thunder and the waves roll in. Each time with her showed me that life could be good, it could be all I wanted even if that meant that I spent it without Bella beside me.

Maria showered once we finally made it out of bed while I let everyone know that I had decided to stay for a few extra days in Charleston. I pulled out my camera and took several shots of the rain as it rolled down the windows and the way it made the sea rougher as it crashed against the shore. It looked fresh and new like this was the first time I saw it and it all held new meaning for me. I don't know how or why but it just did. I couldn't wait to get out in it and soak it all up. To fill myself to the point of being bloated with it so that just in case this feeling disappeared when I left here I would have some to take with me to last me for a while.

We wrapped our coats around us and walked all around town. We stopped by a lighthouse and visited the museum that resided on the ground floor. We danced in the light rain as we left, the tourist group that left with us laughed at the fools we appeared to be. It felt incredible. Maria felt incredible.

Her lips were soft and sweet as she welcomed my kisses. No matter where or when I kissed her she welcomed it. It was so different than Bella. Bella was too scared to kiss me unless we were completely alone, we didn't make love unless we were in total darkness and we didn't share things unless they were common knowledge anyway. Both of us were too damn scared to let go of anything long enough to actually enjoy life, we simply existed not lived.

I shook off any thoughts of Bella as Maria pulled me towards a small boardwalk. We rode the wooden roller coaster and laughed until our sides hurt. We ate junk food and drank red slushies until our mouths were coated in the sweet syrup. That was my favorite time to kiss Maria when she tasted like cherry syrup. Occasionally I slipped my camera out of my pocket and took pictures of her and the scenery. I didn't know if I would want the proof of this week when it was all over or not but I took them anyway.

After our dinner of corn dogs and sodas we had salt-water taffy for desert. I took Maria back to her house and made love to her again, several times, it was the perfect evening.

Wednesday was clear and bright so we put on our swimsuits and made our way down to the beach. First we walked hand in hand, again we talked about what ever came to mind. We discussed her career and where she wanted to go with it. We discussed mine and all the things I had seen throughout my travels. We shared all the places that we wanted to go and see. Amazingly they were so similar so we made fake plans to go and see them, to do the things that we saw in the brochures.

I was pretty certain that we wouldn't ever make it to these places together and somehow that was okay with me. I wasn't stupid enough to fool myself into thinking that Maria and I were a forever kind of thing. She was here with me now and that was enough. I didn't care about later, only now.

Thursday dawned and reality seemed to seep back in little by little. As each hour ticked off we both became aware of the fact that I flew away from her tomorrow. We showered together, we touched, memorized and connected again while we could. After our skin became too pruny to stay in the shower we put on our suits and laid out by the pool in her yard. She read, while I edited photos I took all along the week on my laptop. I paid a few bills and then confirmed my flight.

I shut the laptop and moved off of my chair, I made my way to her lounge chair. Without a word between us I pushed her back and untied her bathing suit. Without regret I pushed into her and relished the feeling of tranquility between us. Our hands interlocked, our eyes never left each other. It was intense, passionate and real, yet fleeting all at the same time.

I appreciated the way neither of us promised more than the time we had, neither of us pretended that there would be more. We couldn't promise that and there was no need to lie. We took it for what it was, without the pretense of anything more. I knew it wasn't love and part of me wanted to feel guilty for the sex that we had because I wasn't feeling that important emotion. I should feel like it was wrong but I couldn't feel that at all. Each and every time I pushed into her I learned more about myself. With each shared orgasm I dropped a piece of the wall I built and became the person that I wanted to be. So how could I feel regret, guilt, sadness, shame or any other useless emotion for that? I couldn't!

I wouldn't spend my life with Maria but I would never forget her, she has made me into the man I should have always been just by spending five days with her.

Friday arrived and the sky chose that day to rain again. We lay in bed and listened to it all morning. Neither of us said much, it was too heavy to speak through. When I was all packed and ready to go she walked me to the sidewalk and bid me goodbye. I stepped to the curb and hailed a cab. As I opened the back door and I pushed my bag inside she called out my name. I wanted to turn around and rush back to her. To pack her stuff up and bring her back with me but that wasn't meant to be. We were meant to have only what we had.

I did step back to meet her and kissed her with every emotion I felt within me. The sadness, happiness, uncertainty, regret, gloom, resolve, optimism and fondness. "I'm so glad we had this time, you will never know how much it has meant to me. I will never forget a single second of it." I told her as my forehead pressed against hers.

"Me either." Her deep sigh showed me that there was baggage in her life as well. I didn't ask and she didn't ask about mine. We weren't ready to be more but we were happy with what we had. "Call me sometime. Let me know how you are and if you're happy again." I nodded as our bodies separated and I held her hand until our fingers couldn't reach anymore.

I replayed every single second of our week as I made my way back to the airport. The beach, the pool, the lighthouse, the pier, the boardwalk, the sights, the sounds, the tastes, all of it. I can taste it, I can feel it, smell it all. In some ways the time seems to blur, except every second and every word, every drop of rain and every single grain of sand. I will live those days over and over again until I find a memory that is better to fill that spot. But I will never be sorry, never.

I arrived back in New York to a bright clear night. I wanted the feel of the rain to remind me but it wasn't there. I would need to remind myself. Remind my brain that just because the week is over and Maria is gone that doesn't mean that person that I became has to be gone as well. I have to make myself remember so I will always be that person. A person that is worthy of a lifetime, a person that makes that special girl feel like she is the only person alive when we are together, a soul mate for someone else so that I can have all of the dreams that I was too afraid to dream before now.

I dropped my bag, pulled off my coat and walked out into the New York night, ready to live. Finally, really live all thanks to Maria.

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><p><strong>EN: I have one new chapter for you all to read as well. I am working on the next chapter so wish me luck, I might be able to have it out soon to you all! **

**Till next time...**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Surprise, surprise! I had always planned for this to be several chapters long and wanted to finish it a lot sooner than I obviously have. But since life threw me a curve ball I will just be happy with what I got done and move on. This is chapter 2, Bella' chance to tell her side of things. It's not exactly as I thought it would be but I'm happy with it. In fact, I love it! You all have to thank Eternally Addicted for this chapter. ( In case any of you all are new around here, I love her! She is my Peaches!) She asked me out of the blue yesterday about this story. Then it hit me that I had a mostly completed chapter. So I pulled it out, dusted it off and got it ready to post. It has not been looked over by anyone other than me, so all the mistakes are mine. I don't blame you if you have to back up and see what happened last chapter, it has been awhile. I loved writing both parts of this and I hope you all enjoy it as well!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3- Bella<strong>

I remember the day well. I packed and threw out stuff. I loaded my suitcases on a conveyer belt and watched it disappear. The overhead speaker couldn't call me fast enough to tell me that it was time to load on the plane. My body tingled with the extreme surrealness that I felt. I knew in my heart that I done the right thing. At least I think I did.

I had turned my back on all that I knew.

I broke up with Edward.

I left my home.

I left my father.

For a new town and big time college dreams.

I thought I had it all planned out. I saw the movies, read the books and heard the stories. I thought I knew what would happen. I was ready. College would be my time of discovery. I would find out who I was and what I wanted out of life. Surely more waited for me at college. There just had to be…more.

Don't get me wrong, Forks was great. I had a good time, I had good friends and I had a good boyfriend. It was just good though. I wanted more. You can't blame me, everyone in the small town of Forks knew that there was more out there, somewhere. They just had to find out where it is and grab it when they came across it.

When I arrived at the main door of my building there were several girls that burst through the door then spilled outside onto the grass that surrounded. I sat in the cab and watched the fun for a few seconds. I made up my mind right then and there that I would be the person I left Forks to be. I would be out going, fun, flirty, in other words all the things I was not normally.

It worked.

I made friends, I had dates and eventually settled down with Jacob. He was from La Push, right down the road from Forks. That was why I originally said yes to his invitation for a date. After a few dates I realized that I chose him because he was the person that I wanted to be. He was loved by everyone, he was kind, caring and out-going. Our relationship was so easy.

Jake did his thing and I did mine. If we ended up seeing each other that day then fine but if not then we didn't. There was never any pressure. We concentrated on our studies and we both did well. The first year we were at school I took Jake home to meet my dad and then we drove down the road and I met Billy, Jake's dad.

To say our families were happy was an understatement. We all were happy. I felt like I made the right choice to leave Edward in order to find all of this. It was safe to say that without that one single decision I would not have ended up here.

Eventually Jacob and I moved in together. Jake fast tracked and was ready to graduate, while I still had a year left. He was offered several jobs and took the one that offered the largest salary. He went to work every day and I went to school. We lived and enjoyed our life. It felt so casual and easy. So many of my friends marveled at the perfectness of it. They longed for what we had but I didn't know how to tell them to achieve it. Somehow or another it just happened for us.

Jacob and I had talked about marriage but both of us were reluctant to change what we had. We didn't want a piece of paper to dictate us. We knew what we were and that was good enough for us. Since Jacob and I both only had our dad's in our lives it was easy for us to avoid the topic of marriage. My dad was happy with the way Jake took care of me, provided for me and his dad was happy that we were in love with each other. So marriage never seemed that big of a deal to either of us.

Then three things happened in my life within quick succession of each other that changed my mind. First my mother died. She lay down to sleep one night and never woke up. Eventually they were able to tell us that she had a brain aneurysm that ruptured. She went immediately and never felt pain. I was thankful to hear that she never suffered but I wasn't ready to let her go. I'm sure that most people were never ready to lose their mother, no matter what age it happens. I certainly wasn't. I was struck by the finality of it all when she died. I had hoped that one day, no matter how crazy the idea was, that my parents would realize that they were wrong all those years ago and get back together. That was the stuff that Disney fairy tales were made of but it never stopped the idea from residing in my mind.

My mother left my father when I was a baby. We moved across the country to Phoenix. The older I got the more I felt like I became the mother and the more she became the child. She tended to wander from hobby to hobby, while she taught elementary school for her paycheck. She even stuck with the small kids because she was too wild and crazy for the older ones. Eventually I paid the bills, cooked, and cleaned the house.

Each time I think about my childhood, I see why I needed to have my 'more' now because from the time I was ten or so I was an adult. I guess I just wanted to be wild and carefree for while.

You would think that with my background I would hate my mom, or even mildly disliked her. The exact opposite was the truth. She was my voice of emotion while my dad was my voice of reason. My mom could be counted on to tell me the wild and crazy option to take. She was a live for the moment kinda girl and she tried her best to get me to live that way as well. I had to admit that she didn't get her way that often. I was too died in the wool grown up that I couldn't ever allow myself to let loose and have fun. She was also my staunchest supporter. She believed in me and gave a pep talk that would have the weakest person ready to believe that they could take on the world alone, and win. She never failed to encourage and lift me up.

With her gone a large part of me was missing. I talked to her all the time and ran most of my decisions by her. I missed her more than words could express. Jake tried to understand and help me cope. He sort of understood because he also lost his mom at a young age. I say he understood and he sort of did but not completely. He was so young when his mom died that he had not been able to develop his relationship with her and he is a guy. So there is always a difference.

Her death shook me to my core. I was able to carry on day to day but something just seemed off. I felt off kilter. Like my life has twisted in some unidentifiable way. I could never put my finger on it but it was just wrong.

Then I was almost run down by a car. I shopped for the groceries for the whole month, so it always took me awhile to get it all picked out and paid for. I was usually starved by the time they were all loaded up in my car. So, I locked the doors with my groceries safely inside and walked across the street to grab a sandwich. I ordered a club on whole wheat and a lemonade.

While I ate I read through my emails and a text from Jacob that reminded me about his afternoon meeting so he would be home later than usual. I decided that since he would be late I would shop for a little while longer. I grabbed a new dress for his office party and a few things for the apartment. Then I headed back to my car.

As I crossed the street, within the confines of the cross walk and with the light, I felt my phone buzz. I pulled it out of my pocket to check it. As I did the driver of the car did exactly the same. Unfortunately he didn't see me in the crosswalk or his red light. He ran right through it and at the last moment a man that crossed from the other direction, pulled me out of the way. I broke my ankle and my wrist, and the gentleman that pulled me out of the way broke his arm.

The driver of the car was stopped three lights down and given a ticket.

There was no real harm done but it scared the living shit out of me all the same. I started to evaluate my life again. I paid attention to everything now, every decision, every action that Jake or I made each day. I started to write in my journal, everything thing that I used to tell my mom I now wrote down.

Each Friday night, Jake's poker night, I would take a glass of wine and re-read my journal. I realized that what I thought was living really just amounted to hiding out. I had played it safe all this time. My mind whirled with the ways that I could make this right. What I should do? I didn't want to hurt Jacob. I just wanted a life that would fulfill me. I felt like a big old failure. I mean I did this exact thing five years ago in order to find myself and yet here I was again, with the same plan in place to do the same thing all over again. I worried that I wouldn't actually ever achieve what I set out for. I mean really here I was five years later, and no closer. I cried myself to sleep that night. When Jake came in I blamed it on missing my mom. He held me while I cried some more until I fell asleep exhausted.

The next morning I knew I had to make a decision and fast. I took my basket and headed to the Farmer's Market. I prayed that I would be able to think things through and have an answer by the time I came home. Unfortunately, I hadn't found my brilliant answer by the time that the sun was due to set and the market was officially closed, so I headed home anyway.

Jacob was on the phone when I arrived. I closed the door and made my way to the kitchen to start dinner. I heard several words that caused my heart to skip a beat but I didn't wander into the living room to hear more. I waited for Jacob to come to me. It was his news and he should be able to share it, I also wanted to see how his face reacted to the news and I wouldn't get that while he was on the phone. So I cooked and waited.

The food was all plated as I sat at the table and drank several glasses of wine. Probably not the best idea, but the wine settled my nerves. So many scenarios played out as to the news that Jacob would walk in and reveal. I worked each idea through and tried to come up with my line in the sand. The one thing that would make me walk away from him. I could feel the soft edges of a buzz from the wine as Jacob called out for me.

"Baby, you cooked, I'm so sorry I took so long. I swear if it wasn't important then I would have asked them to wait until tomorrow. I hope you understand." Jacob pulled my hand and placed a small kiss along my knuckles. "Come on, let's eat, I have a lot to tell you."

I warmed our plates and sat down to hear what Jacob had to say. I still felt slightly sick over my epiphany last night so to hear that he may have big news only made the feeling double up until it threatened to boil over.

After a few bites, Jacob began to talk. "Well you know that we have tried to get this large account for our firm, Peterson Electronics, well, they called this afternoon and wanted to talk. Paul came to an agreement with them and we signed a contract, today. So, in order to handle this account," Jacob took a deep breath and time seemed to stand still as I waited to hear his next words. I'm not sure that any words had ever held more importance to me than these that I waited upon. "Paul wanted to send me and Seth to California to work directly with Peterson." He left the sentence to hang in the air between us.

I had no idea how to react.

Part of me wanted to think that this was my opportunity to have a fresh start but then again, what if this was one of those terrible decisions that I made and then regretted. I mean look at how well the choice to leave Edward had turned out. So I also waited.

"Paul has agreed to pay for all of our expenses to move to California as well as pay our rent here until we could get out of our lease." I pushed my food around on my plate and refused to look up at Jake as he spoke. "It's also a large salary increase, Bella." I looked up at those words and knew that he wanted this job. He wanted it badly. Jacob must have seen the hesitation in my eyes because he began to almost…beg for me to understand why he had to take this opportunity. "Bella, I know this is big but I'll make partner with this change. I'll be a senior partner with Seth as my junior associate." He reached for my hand again. "No one else has _ever_ made partner this soon, I mean I'm only twenty six years old and I will be a _senior partner_. I have to take this, Bella, it will be career suicide to turn it down." He let go of my hand and sat back to take a sip of his wine. I did the same.

"Wow, Jake, that is just …wow. I don't even know what to say." I ran a hand through my hair and almost got angry. Angry, because it was a total Edward move. His signature move in fact. Why after all of this time did he come to my mind? I couldn't answer that, at least not honestly even to myself. "Jake, can I have a little time to think this over?"

I stood and dropped my napkin to the table to cover the hardly touched food on my plate. I should worry why in the midst of all of this big news that my mind worried about the fact that I mimicked Edward's habit. That must be it, I must have finally cracked. I was officially looney and therefore I didn't need to worry about anything. The men in the little white coats would take care of everything!

"Sure, Bella, of course. I mean I sprung this on you without any warning. Yeah, of course." He said it easily enough but I could hear the deeper meaning, it translated to 'I'm going so take your time to decide your fate but mine had been made'. I just nodded and left the table. I took my laptop, my cell, my journal and car keys. I left our apartment silently as Jake washed the dishes and put away the uneaten food from our dinner. I wandered the streets until I found a hotel and checked in.

I opened the door to my room and slipped off my shoes just inside the door, and I began to pace. In fact I paced until dawn. I called my dad and talked it all out. For once he listened and didn't offer his opinion. When I had talked my feelings out his only response was for me to do what I wanted. "Bella, I can't tell you what to do with your life. You have to decide, all I want is for you to be happy and if you aren't happy then you have to make a change." That was Charlie, plain and simple.

"But what if it all goes to shit? I mean, really, I left my life in Forks so sure that this would turn out and look where I am. Five years later, no job, no hobbies and forced to choose if I stay with Jake or leave a man because he wants to take the job offer of a lifetime in California. I'm no good at making decisions for myself, come on you need to choose for me!" I half yelled and half pleaded with him. "What would mom say?" I fully pleaded this time. "She always knew what to say to me, how to make me think for myself without me realizing that I had actually done all the work, please you knew her. What would she say?" I was almost in tears at this point.

"Bella, she would say…leave him. Go, move, find a job, go on an adventure. Have fun, live life, move to the beach and sell seashells by the shore. Just be happy, baby, that's all we've ever wanted for you." Charlie sounded like he had tears mixed with his words. That thought alone made me want to crawl in his lap and let him soothe me. To be his little girl again so that he made all the choices and I just went along with them. But we both knew that it wasn't that simple anymore.

"Dad, thanks so much. I'm sorry to call you in the middle of the night and disturb you. I appreciate that you listened to me rant."

"Sure thing, Bella, anything for you. I mean I had a wicked card game going here with my laptop but you know you always come first in my life." I chuckled at him. He always did have a way with words. "I love you, Bells, always have, always will."

"I love you too, dad, thanks." We both hung up and I crawled back into bed.

The next day I made my way home. Jake sat and stared out the window with his bag packed. It sat at his feet, it was an immediate reminder of what I needed to do as soon as I opened the front door. Our eyes met and we both knew that this was the end for us. He rushed forward and held me, I cried into his chest. Neither of us wanted to part this way but deep down inside, we both knew that it was for the best.

After some dinner and several glasses of wine to loosen our tongues, we both admitted that we knew it was going downhill. Jake actually told me that he felt it before my mom died. But he was scared that if he left me then that I would have holed up inside my shell and not ever venture out again.

"How, could you stay when you knew that you needed to get out, to go and be free?" I asked.

"It's easy, Bella. I loved you. Love you enough to stay and enjoy life with you to protect you." His hand slid over mine and offered comfort to me. "I never wanted to hurt you and please, don't think that it was a terrible sacrifice to stay here with you. I love you, but I think it was more brotherly love and less hot passionate lover type love." His eyes held the truth and I knew that he was happy with me just like I was happy with him. But we both deserved more than just happy. We deserved passion, fire, adventures and all the things that made life memorable. He stayed because he wanted me to make the decision to move on, for me to really be ready to change. So he stayed until I did, he knew eventually it would come, so he stayed. I had to agree with him, if he had left then I would have climbed inside myself and stayed there. He was far smarter than I ever gave him credit for.

We discussed how we would handle things and what each of us would keep. He called Paul and negotiated for Paul to pay for six months worth of rent on this place. That would give me time to get a job and make my own decision on where I wanted to live. I had Renee's insurance money so I had money to live off of until all those things fell into place as well.

Bright and early Monday morning, Jake packed all the stuff he wanted and left the apartment for good. He left a list of things that he wanted me to send him once he got settled but the rest was for me to keep. I kissed his cheek as he left and told him I would never forget him. He repeated the same words and told me that when I found myself and if I still wanted him to look him up in California. He kissed my cheek and walked away.

Bright and early Tuesday morning, I started to call around for jobs. I sent out my resume and called for applications. I walked the streets and took in the sights, I went to plays and musical festivals. I attempted to find myself.

Eventually I found a job as an assistant to an editor for a small but upcoming publisher. I loved my work. I was around books and manuscripts all day long. I was smart, witty and gave my opinion.

Now, this didn't happen all at once, but over time and with the help of Kate, my boss, I eventually became who I wanted to be, me. I was smart, sophisticated and very happy.

I flew back to Forks for my father's thirtieth anniversary party as Chief of Police. Charlie started with the force right out of high school and worked for five years before he became Chief when the Chief died. I was born the year after he became Chief. It was the only life I knew for him and I felt proud of him for his accomplishments, so I gladly flew in for his party.

I shopped for a few hours before he picked me up in Port Angeles, as I still had not found his present yet.

In the bookstore I ran into Alice Cullen or Alice Whitlock now. Alice and I were best friends in high school, at first it was by default since I dated her brother, Edward, but eventually it was without effort that we spent time together. It was so good to see her again. She married Jasper Whitlock, her high school sweetheart and Edward's best friend. She told me about her life now, her clothing line and her two boys. How she lived part time in Seattle and part time in Forks. Jasper was a lawyer and had his practice in Seattle, as well as her boutique. But they decided when the boys were born that they wanted a small town to raise them in, so they bought a house in Forks with her mom and dad.

I bragged on my job and how I loved my new apartment. I also asked about Edward, Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett and Rosalie broke up for awhile but eventually got back together and got married. They were trying to have a baby, but it looked like they may end up adopting.

Edward was still single. She showed me some of his pictures that he took on her phone and I had to admit that he was brilliant with his camera. He always was. Alice shared a little about a few of girlfriends between our relationship in high school and now, looked like he had always been sort of restless as well. Nothing ever stuck for him. Alice told me he was doing well and would be home in about two months. Right now he was in the Middle East to cover some of the war and the devastation it had on the countryside and the people. I was scared for him to be there in those conditions but Alice assured me that he was way behind the fighting. He went to places after the fighting was done to document the effects, so he was safe. She took all of my contact information and begged me to sign up for the group on Facebook that had all of the info for our tenth year reunion.

We both joked that we had a hard time with the fact that it had been actually been ten years since we had graduated from high school but a quick check of my age and I was convinced easily enough. I assured her I would check out the group and stay in touch before we parted ways when Charlie came by to collect me.

I was astonished when a few weeks later Alice did email me and began to share details of the reunion. The school agreed to allow us to take a tour and have lunch with our teachers, we would do an old fashioned field day, and then we would cap off our weekend with a dance. I was actually excited to see all of the old faces and asked about the people that had already R.S.V.P'ed. Alice named off the list but one important name was not on that list.

I asked about Emmett and Rose, Rose had graduated with us so I pretended to be interested in their presence and then I casually threw out Edward's name. Alice told me that Edward would be in Spain for National Geographic then he had a magazine shoot to do right after that so he would be gone the whole entire month of the reunion. I was crushed, I really wanted to see him. Alice offered his contact info and I declined, I didn't want to be pushy. If his life was okay without me then I didn't want to insert myself. But I did promise her that I would come to the reunion anyway.

Over the next several months we talked, texted or emailed back and forth. The closer to the reunion the more excited I became. I booked my flight and hotel room. I packed and before I knew it, it was time to head to the airport. I called Alice just before I shut my phone off for my flight.

"Hey you, are you at the airport?" She answered.

"Yep, just about to board and wanted to make sure you could pick me up from the airport since Charlie would be tied up. If not then I could always take a cab." I offered.

"Bella Swan, don't you dare, Rose and I will be there to get you. Besides I have a surprise for you anyway. See you soon, I'm so excited." She threw all that out there without a single stop for air, it's a wonder she didn't pass out when she gots excited. The overhead speaker came alive to announce boarding for my flight.

"Hey, Alice, got to go, they just called for boarding, I'll see you in a few hours."

"Okay, be safe." She called out before she hung up. It almost made my heart stop because it was what Edward would tell me all the time when we dated. I wanted to be upset that he wouldn't be there but I just chalked it up to fate and let it go. No since worrying over spilt milk, right?

The flight was uneventful, I read on my Kindle and listened to my iPod. They both were absolute necessities for a flight if you ask me. Alice picked me up and we drove straight to the hotel where we would all stay. I dropped off my bags and we picked up Rosalie. After that we made our way to the spa to get haircuts, mani-pedi's and anything else we could think of.

It turned into a real girl's day. Several of the other girls from school joined us and we all ended up eating lunch and chatting together. It was so funny because we would never have sat with any of these girls in high school. I guess we do get wiser with age and lay aside all those silly notions of who and what is important.

I looked forward to all the festivities of this weekend and the ability to get to know the people that helped shape who I was again.

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><p><strong>Till next time...<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:You all can thank Chloe Masen for this...I'm hoping if I present her with this lil gift she will get to work on a chapter of Saying Goodbye for me...was that enough of a hint Chloe? I hope so :) **

**Part of the reason this chapter took so long was because I was stuck with this story. I had a 'gut feeling' for how I wanted this story to go but I worried that it would be cliche or over done. So I thought okay let's just let them meet up, bada boom bada bing...HEA! BUT that didn't feel right, it didn't feel true to the characters so...I asked for some advice. A few of my loyal readers and reviews laid it all out for me, they listened and advised me. I have to say a huge thanks to my advice crew...mommymac0508, Hadley Hemingway, and Chilly Howdy! I can't say thanks enough! Also a big thanks to mamadog93, theonlykyla for pre reading and for Twistar Junkie for a superfast beta job! **

**This is what we came up with, hope you like it!**

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><p>Chapter 4- Edward<p>

This exactly why I wanted to skip our ten year reunion, I didn't want to stand around and make nice with all of the people I spent four years trying to get away from. The people I wanted to keep in touch with, I did. Simple as that. I had my alibi made, it was fool proof. Then Alice got on the phone and pouted, while she shamed me into being here. How did she pout over the phone you ask, well she did. Her whole voice changes and she sounds so sad, like she is read to burst into tears at any moment. She laid it on thick and it worked. Besides, it had been almost a year since I had seen any of my family. With them each married, settled down, and now children on the way, we just didn't get together like we used to.

Years ago, I would internalize and brood over the fact they had the picture of perfection and I was still alone…not dating at all. I mean several casual dates, but not much to talk about really. I guess with age and experience I realized it will happen, and that was enough for me. This was a gradual change, and I never even realized when it took over. Long gone was the brooding teen ager that left Forks High school, tonight stood a man who knew who he was, where he had been and where he wanted to go.

I moved to take another drink of my scotch and realized I had emptied the glass of all but the ice. As I moved in the shadows I heard an ear piercing squeal that could only come from my sister, Alice. Another one of her BFF's had shown up here tonight. I chuckled, her enthusiasm always sucked you in and before you knew it you were almost as worked up about things as she was. I hoped the stuck up elitist girls of Forks treated her nicely at least. She didn't need any drama in her pregnant condition.

The bar was fairly empty as I stood and waited for the one bartender to make his way back towards me. When he took my glass and dumped it to refill it, I turned to face the dance floor so I could watch my so called friends enjoy themselves.

Suddenly a familiar face stood before me. I was face to face with Bella Swan. I was more than thankful I had not been holding my full glass as I'm sure it would have ended up on the floor. I was shocked, surprised to say the least.

"Hey." She ducked her head and hid behind her still beautiful hair. I remember when she would use this same move to hide herself for some reason. It saddened me she was still the same shy girl I lost way back then. I wanted more for her, I wanted her to live, to experience and bloom because of those experiences. It almost seemed as if she had not. Sure she looked older and she was definitely prettier, but not bolder, not more mature. As soon as the thought took form in my brain, she snapped her chin up and straightened her spine, almost as if she could read my mind.

"Hey yourself, you look amazing." I leaned over to kiss her cheek. It was an action that seemed appropriate for us, I mean I kissed Alice and Rosalie each and every time I met up with them, so why not Bella? Bella blushed and dipped her head down again. I took the time to appraise the full grown version of her. Her hair shown in the dim light of the ballroom, it still had the reddish highlights that shimmered when they caught the light. Her skin was luminous, so soft and pale. I longed to reach out and touch her cheek right on her pale blush. Her eyes were the deep rich pools of chocolate with small golden flecks around the pupils. Bella was always an open book, just one look into her eyes and I knew what she thought and felt. When my eyes took in her body, the high school Bella and this one differed greatly. Back then she was thin with a slight curve to her hips and breast. Now, she was perfection. Her hips curved just enough and I was sure my hand would fit nicely right there on that sweet spot. Her ass was the right amounts of firm, shapely and out there. And when you paired those two with her natural breasts, it added up to sheer perfection. I knew they were natural, my dad was a doctor, a plastic surgeon in fact. I had seen more than my share of fake tits, between his work and mine, I could spot them from a mile away in low light. Bella's were most definitely real. It all worked together and was truly was a gift from God, Bella never spent any money to enhance herself, at least she didn't back then.

Her body and demeanor posed such a dichotomy for me. One was older and more mature, the other seemed stuck in the past. It made me sad for what we had, but at the same time thankful to not be in the same situation.

"You as well, it's funny how you look equally at ease in a suit or a pair of faded jeans. I always envied you for that. I felt like a total klutz no matter what I wore." She giggled and it showed all of her embarrassment.

"Yeah, but look at you now in those heels strutting yourself around here for all of these old men to fawn all over you! You turned out just fine Bella Swan, never doubt that."

"Oh right, like I would give any of these divorced has-been's a chance. Not happening, there will be no drunk hook up for me tonight. You can count on that." She took a not so dainty sip from her glass.

We sat for all of maybe ten minutes when Alice and Rosalie realized we were alone at the bar together. They chose to descend upon us and we all sat around and talked like old times. It was hard to remember that we weren't an 'us' any longer when we sat together like this. Especially when Jasper and Emmett joined us. We played pool, we played darts and drank like fish. It was like old times. And I got to be honest the old me longed to pull Bella to me and just kiss the ever living shit out of her. I wanted to make her forget anyone else she had met since we parted. I wanted her close to me.

But a small part of me feared that it was just the atmosphere and the old location that made me long for her. Like my brain was caught in a time warp. I wasn't sure enough so I kept my hands to myself, and my comments on a strictly friendly basis. It got harder and harder the later into the night we stayed, though. The girls drank more and more, so the dancing got wilder and sexier, the flirting got more obvious and I had a harder time resisting Bella.

It's a good thing I had decided not to drink anymore several hours ago. For one I had to drive back to my hotel, alone. Secondly, I was not sure I would continue with the avoid flirting with Bella plan if I had too much alcohol in me. But of course when the night was finally at an end, I was the one that was put in charge of getting Bella back to her hotel as well.

"Dude, I have been hanging on by a thread here all night, trying my best to avoid a situation like this with her. Come on, it's not far from your house, just drop her off." I whisper shouted at Jasper. I begged and prayed that he could see the desperation in my eyes as I spoke.

"Ed, really? She's a harmless girl, she ain't gonna whip out a chain saw and cut you into tiny pieces on the ride over, I swear it! If she does then I give you the right to be as mad as you want to be at me, but you know how handsy your sister gets after a night of dancing and I don't think it is a good idea to have an innocent by stander in the car with us." Jasper unlocked the car and moved the passenger seat back as far as it would go in preparations for Alice's pregnant body. I shuttered to think of the exact reason he wanted that seat back so far, I told myself it was to make getting her in and out of the car easier and not for any dirtier purposes.

"Jasper, I wasn't worried about a chain saw, I was worried about what she would think, I can't trust myself with her. And I don't want to make a mistake I can't take back, you feel me?" I stepped closer and nudged his elbow so he would look directly at me.

"Dude, it's just Bella. You're both adults, take her back to her hotel, if something happens then it happens, just bag it up and you should be fine!" He chuckled as he slapped my arm and almost knocked my keys out of my hand altogether.

I wanted to say more, to tell him how wrong that whole see what happens idea would be but I couldn't. The girls staggered out of the bar with Emmett in tow at that moment so I just stepped towards my rental car. I watched in silence as the three of them hugged and even kissed each other good night. Jasper pulled Alice towards their car just as Emmett picked Rosalie up and ran across the parking lot with her to their car as well. That left Bella and I alone. I walked around and opened the door for her. She smiled and blushed.

"Thanks Edward, sorry you got stuck with the drunk out of towner." She whispered as she gracefully stepped into the car.

When I sat down in the driver's seat I responded to her. "Hey, almost drunk out of towner here too, remember?" We both chuckled, and I felt satisfied enough to start the car and head towards my main goal…Bella's hotel.

"I thought Alice said you had an assignment to go out on, what happened?" Bella asked as she licked her lips to moisten them. I shook my head to clear out the fog so that I could answer her.

"Well, turns out the model had another engagement and couldn't get there for another week, so there was no point in me being there without her. I decided to come here first then I will fly out from Seattle on Tuesday to get there in time." Bella focused on me as I spoke, she watched me intensely and I had to ask myself if it was just because she was drunk or if she had watched me that way all night. Now I was kicking myself for getting so caught up in her that I didn't see how caught up in me she was.

I knew that no matter how hard I tried I was going to fail, I wanted her too much to hold out. I just prayed that I was strong enough to not go too far, to not do too much damage before she left.

"Wow, look at us, we are adults talking about our careers and flying out to jobs, who would have thought?" Bella chuckled as she spoke.

And I know her intentions were to joke around, to lighten the atmosphere in the car but it had the exact opposite effect. I suddenly wanted to know everything about her, all she had been through, all she had done, and most importantly why she walked away all those years ago.

"Why, Bella, can you at least tell me that much?" I whispered.

Bella's sharp intake of breath told me that she never expected that question to be asked. So, I let her stall for a few minutes, I sat quietly as she attempted to gather herself to answer me.

"I don't really know now that I look back on it, I guess maybe I thought it was what I was supposed to do?" She blushed and ducked her head. "I know that sounds stupid but I really had no idea what I was doing, I got scared and panicked. I worried that we wouldn't make it through the long distance so I figured that if I ended it then we would both be better off." She sighed. "Stupid, I know but at the time it made sense." I saw the small glint of tears at the corners of her eyes and longed to reach to wipe them away. "I don't know, I just…" She didn't speak anymore after that.

Forks being the small town that it was, it didn't take us but two more minutes to reach her hotel anyway. I pulled into the lot and around the side of the building where Bella indicated. "My room is down on this side." The parking lot was dark so I parked the car and made my way around to help her out. I wanted to walk her to her room, there was no way I would leave her alone out here in the middle of the night. "I'm good, you don't have to walk me up, thanks though."

"Bella, don't be silly, there is no way I'm leaving you here to get to your room alone, let's go." I touched the small of her back to encourage her to move. I felt at home, with one simple touch, I felt like I was where I belonged. It made my heart race and tears form all at the same time.

I was terrified. I wanted Bella, more than words could describe but I was afraid to trust her with my heart. I knew that if I allowed her back in my life and she walked away again it would crush my heart and I would never allow myself to open up again. Ever.

So I stepped away, I allowed distance between her body and mine. I put a wall up between us. Bella must have noticed because she stiffened and turned to look at me from over her shoulder. I watched as her hair danced along her shoulders, her eyes were alight, and her cheeks were flushed as she glanced at me. She was glorious.

I touched her lower back again and she stopped. I waited for her to turn to look at me but after a few seconds I realized that it was not going to happen. So, I stepped closer to her, close enough that I could whisper to her. "Were you happy? Did you do all you wanted to do in life, did you live and enjoy yourself?" I held my breath, if she said yes then I would walk away happy. I would allow her to go on living and chalk our romance up to a high school thing that was fun while it lasted. I would watch her walk into her room and turn and walk away. So my body tensed and prepared for the worst.

"No," she whispered. My hand clenched against her lower back where it still rested. Bella turned to look at me then. "I didn't Edward. I went to England, I finished school, I came home, I dated, I moved in with someone, but all along the way I knew there was more." She tucked her hair behind her ear and licked her lips. She was prepared to unload her mind, I could tell by her few small clues. "I knew that my life was not all it could be. Something was missing, someone was missing." I gasped as she spoke.

"Bella, don't say this if you don't mean it. I swear to you, if you are toying with my heart…" I allowed my sentence to drift off, I couldn't finish it. I knew from the look in her eyes that she was not playing any kinds of games at all. She meant this.

"I made a mistake, Edward. I let you go. I thought I was doing what was best for us, but in fact it was the worst thing ever. I was miserable and for ten years even my heart knew it belonged with you. I was too stubborn to admit it then but now…now I know. Now I see that what I had with Jacob was affection, not love. The spark I always felt with you, it wasn't there with him." I saw the tears well up in her eyes as she spoke so rapidly that she had to be out of breath, and the way her hands gestured so grandly. I knew she was feeling her own words and most importantly I knew she felt what she was saying with 100% conviction. "I wanted to feel it so it would mean that I had not wasted all that time with Jacob and away from you, but I didn't. I only felt that with you, no one else. I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for not being honest with myself and I'm sorry the most for not chasing you down when I realized my mistake. Because maybe then I could have made it up to you, now I am so scared that it is just too late." I stood and watched her as she spoke. I watched her face, and her hands as they moved. I took in her beauty. "I was with Jake for so long but I never pushed him for something more. He thought he had found the perfect girl but in fact he found a girl that had given her heart away a long time before, she was just too stupid to realize it." The tears at the corners of her eyes began to fall.

I reached out to her and pulled her hips towards me. When our bodies collided I pulled her even closer to me, I wrapped my hands around her and held her close. I smelled her hair and caressed her arms. I rejoiced that Bella was here after ten years and she had just professed that she had loved me all along.

"Don't forgive me, Edward, don't you do it. I was stupid and ruined both of our lives. I was stupid and dumb and so immature. I don't deserve you." She spoke around her tears.

My right hand reached up and caressed her jaw line. My thumb pressed against her lips to halt her silly speech and when she stopped talking I kissed her. She stood immobile as I kissed her lips, her hands frozen at her sides, her lips unmoving against mine. I panicked. I thought I had made a mistake, I was sure of it. Then all at once her breath left her body and she collapsed against me.

We kissed until we ran out of air in our lungs. In fact, I kissed her long after that time had come and gone, my chest hurt and burned from the lack of oxygen, but I couldn't let her go just yet. Bella tucked her chin down and nuzzled against the collar of my shirt while I kissed along the side of her head, along her hair line.

An elderly couple walked down the hall and sufficiently burst the bubble we resided in. I moved to make room and Bella pulled her card from her purse to let herself into her room. I reached over her head and held the door open for her. She turned to look at me expectantly as she walked in. I stood, hovering on the thresh hold. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to go in. Bella made up my mind for me, she stepped back and pulled my hand, along with the rest of me into the room. "Stay, just for a little while, we can talk." I smiled at her and nodded my acceptance.

Bella moved about the room as I sat down in the sitting area. "Do you mind if I change into something more comfortable?" She asked over my left shoulder. I almost choked to death at her question. "No, Edward, really just some yoga pants and a t shirt, I just want to get out of these heels, really." She moved around the end of the couch and showed me the clothes that she held in her hands, it was in fact yoga pants and a t-shirt. I just chuckled and nodded. I was embarrassed that I jumped to conclusions but that was one of the oldest pick come on lines there was, what else was I supposed to think when she spoke those words.

I stood and took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves. If Bella was able to get comfortable then so was I . When Bella came back to the seating area she was changed and all her make-up was washed clean off. She was just as stunning as she was fully made up. The simplest things always worked for Bella, I never had an explanation for that but they did. I patted the couch beside me and Bella sat down. She was close but not too close. It was perfect, we needed space to talk more.

"What about you, Edward, were you happy with how your life turned out?"

I blew out a large breath and dropped my hands across the back of the low couch. "Yeah, I guess I was happy with parts. I mean I travelled all over the world, I have a job that I absolutely love and my family is doing well. But I'm alone for the most part, so part of me says yes, I'm happy and the other part says stop fooling yourself." I dropped my head and tried to concentrate on what I thought Bella would say to that.

"Did you have a chance at love? Was there ever someone else after me?" That most certainly was not what I expected her to say at all. I almost laughed at her, boy she didn't pull any punches, she went right for the hard info.

"Yeah, I guess maybe there were a few opportunities. I dated and none of them were psychos, so I guess I could have made something out of it. But I was looking for something like my mom and dad had, something special. I never felt that, so I walked away without complaints when it was time." I shrugged, I didn't know how to explain it. "Was I waiting for you? I don't think so, at least not consciously. It just never seemed to be the time or the right girl."

I noticed that as the time went by, we drifted closer and closer to each other. It felt the same and yet different all at the same time. I wanted Bella, but did I want the uncertainty, the will she really stay this time or won't she? As selfish as it sounded I wanted someone who could love me with all of their heart, who would lay down their life for me without questions because they loved me that much! I realized that I would settle for nothing less. So, I decided that I would end the night with Bella. I had to go and let her decide what she wanted from me. Because I knew my answer.

"Bella, I think it's a good idea if I head back to my hotel room now. Will you be at the picnic tomorrow?" I grabbed her hand and stroked my thumb across the smooth skin of her hand.

"You don't have to go, you can stay here…if you want, that is, no pressure or anything. I mean, I'm not asking for sex or anything, but we can if you want, it's just that I don't want to pressure you. I mean we are adults and we have done it before. So what's the harm in two people who have already had sex in the past having sex again, you know, kinda taking advantage of the opportunity so to speak…" She looked adorable, her word vomit had not improved and given the length of that speech, she is pretty nervous. I only chuckle at her. Our lust would be satisfied but would our hearts? Would it move us closer together or further apart? I know what I want out of life and a few short flings are not it. "Not with you, I can't do that with you. You mean more and until we figure this out we need to keep this a friendship, okay?" I kissed her forehead and she held me against her for a few seconds longer than I expected, not that I minded.

I felt a small nod and I hoped that she understood the reasoning behind my refusal to her. I just couldn't be with her if that was all I got from her, her body. I wanted her body, her heart, her mind, her soul…her future. I stood and moved towards the door with Bella reluctantly following me.

I turned to kiss her goodnight, I still wasn't sure where that kiss would be applied yet though. I tilted her face up towards mine and wait until her eyes met mine. Maybe they held the answer that I sought.

"I guess I'll never live that mistake down, will I?" Her eyes darted around the perimeter of my face, never really settling on a specific spot.

"Mistake? Yes, live it down? There's no need to. We both grew and learned from it. That takes away all the mistake status and makes it a plus and not a minus for us." I pulled her closer to me. "Bella, I loved you, hell still love you. But I can't throw my heart out there without some clue that we are going to stick it out this time, for better or for worse kinda sticking it out. I know what I want and I'm sorry if it is different than what you want. I just can't compromise this time."

"It's been about six hours, Edward, I can't say that to you, I don't know that yet." I nodded at her.

"I know you don't and that is fine. I just can't stay and make that confusion you're already feeling worse." She nodded at me. I guess sometimes you just don't need words. Her face and slumped shoulder said it all. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I kissed her forehead again.

"Text me when you get to your hotel, safely, please." She held my hand until we were too far apart for our arms to reach. My hand fell to the side of my leg, hers was still out stretched like she longed for my touch again. It was hard to walk away, her eyes, her outstretched hand, they worked against me.

Bella just needed more time, time so that she knew for sure what she wanted from me and out of life. I just had to pray we both made it through this time intact.

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><p><strong>EN: Guess what? I already got chapter 5 written and it is with Twistar Junkie right now! I will not get a chance to post it before this time next week though. I have some family things to do, sorry! I also won't be posting Metal Pointe next week either, so sorry for those of you who read that. Kyla and I will be back week after next with two new chapters for you thought so don't cry. I will post Love, Death, Birth so stay tuned Tuesday for that. **

**Hit that new pretty blue button down there and let me know what you think, pretty please. **

**Till next time...**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This was already written and edited so I decided to post it for you all! I will have the chapter of LDB tomorrow but no Metal Pointe this week. Sorry, got lots to do this week and Metal Pointe wasn't ready yet :) The good news is that the kids are out of school starting Friday this week so, hopefully, that will free up some time for me and allow me to write more! We'll see how that goes, those of you with kids know that sometimes the summers are the busiest times. Keep your fingers crossed for me:)**

**Thanks to Twistar Junkie for doing a wonderful beta job for me! I appreciate it :) You still owe Chloe Masen a big old thanks, she is the one that inspired me to get back in here and write this as well. A thanks to my readers, reviewers and those that came to my rescue and talked me down off of my crazy ledge,**mommymac0508, Hadley Hemingway, and Chilly Howdy** . You gave me the courage to write this, hope you still like it! **

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><p>Chapter 5-Edward<p>

I lay alone that night and I thought about the possibilities with Bella in my life. I wondered if I could give her the kind of life she would want. I traveled all the time, I was rarely at home for more than ten days straight. Was that enough for her? I knew my salary was no problem but usually women expected to see the men they married.

Before long I had talked myself out of pursuing things with Bella. I was convinced that I wouldn't be enough, and I knew I couldn't give up my job. It was more than a job, it was my career, my passion, and I would be miserable without that outlet. So, I decided that if I had to live without something in my life I would live without the thing I already didn't have…Bella.

I would tell her in the morning that I didn't think we would work out. I would let her down gently and move on. I would be happy. Now, I need to repeat that often enough that I buy it so that I can sell it to Bella tomorrow when I see her again.

Needless to say I slept like shit, I tossed and turned. I worried about who would take care of Bella, who would fall in love with her and if they would treat her the way she deserved. I can tell that her confidence is still not her strongest suit so I prayed that the man she falls in love with will show her what she is worth. That he will build her confidence until she is ready to take on the world. She deserves all that and more. So much more.

I packed up my bags and plan to tell Alice that I got called back to the shoot early. I felt like a chicken but I just had to skip out on the rest of the weekend's activities. I checked the flights and there is a plane that will depart Seattle in about six hours. It was just enough time to pack, say my goodbyes to everyone here and stop by my parent's house to say goodbye as well. Part of me felt guilty that they would miss out on some time with me due to my inability to keep it together in front of Bella. But then again they were coming to visit me in less than a month. I will take an extra week off and we can extend their visit to make up for it.

I loaded my bags in the trunk of the rental car, and checked out of the hotel. The short drive to the restaurant where everyone was scheduled to have breakfast didn't give me time to think of what I wanted to say to Bella. I guess I would have to wing it. I could always take the pussy way out and just tell her I got called out and explain it all to her later. Over the phone. I frowned at that option, she deserved so much more than that, she deserved my honesty and she deserved it face to face.

Just as I settled down in my seat, my phone rang. I almost shouted for joy when I saw Garrett's name pop up on my screen. Maybe he was calling me in to the location early, maybe I wouldn't have to lie after all. I answered the call. Garrett rushed through his words and I had to concentrate on what I heard from him. He sounded like he was in a wind tunnel with a thousand other people. The noise was overwhelming and it didn't help that my background provided a pretty good amount of noise for me either. I pressed a finger in my other ear and stood to make my way outside where it was quiet.

"Garrett, repeat all of that over again, I didn't hear a word you said, where the hell are you?" I shouted, even though the noise level had dropped considerably on my end.

"Edward, you need to get on a plane to Washington, D.C. I've got to get you on a plane to Iraq as soon as possible. The government has received information on the whereabouts of Saddam Hussein. They're sending a group over specifically to find him. Newsweek wants a crew to follow them and report as much as they can. It'll be one reporter, a writer, a cameraman and you. I don't know for sure who yet, Carmen is working on the reporter and cameraman. They want it all documented on film for the world to see. How soon can you get there?" Garrett shouted as I heard continuous movement and noise in the background.

I stood stunned, Saddam Hussein, they wanted me to go and photograph Saddam Hussein's capture. It was the job of a lifetime. It would win me awards and make me a fortune. But more importantly for years to come when people of all ages look at that moment in time, a very important moment in time, they would see my work. Most people that see it will never know my name but it is all the same to me. I will know! I almost shouted with joy. I couldn't say no.

"I uh, let me check but I should be able to get out of here as soon as possible and I will make my way to D.C anyway I can. I'll call you when I know what time."

"Sounds good, just remember, as fast as you can, they can't wait for us long!"

"Will do." I tapped my screen and stood for a moment, trying to collect myself. Emmett and Jasper emerged from the restaurant to check on me.

"Hey, you okay? It's time to order and the ladies are getting impatient. Come on." Emmett pulled my arm back towards the door. I knew without a doubt that the ladies were not impatient at all, it was Emmett that wanted to order. I guess it was now or never to break my change of plans to them.

"Uh, about that…I can't go back inside. I have to get to Seattle and get on a plane to D.C. Some big news is about to go down and they have asked me to be there to document it." Jasper's eyes opened wide and Emmett looked saddened.

"Dude, you just got here. Can they call someone else?" That explained the sadness in Emmett's eyes.

"Em, I'm sorry. I know my job keeps me away a lot. But this is not the kind of job that you ask for a pass on. This is the kind that of job that people will talk about and see for years to come, this is big." Jasper's eyes opened even wider. "I can't talk about it so don't ask any questions, just let me say goodbye to the girls and I've got to go." They each followed me back into the restaurant.

I explained as much as I could and said my goodbyes to Alice and Rosalie. I hugged Jasper and Emmett and we agree to go for a boys fishing trip as soon as I could schedule time for it. I promised that I would be there. Then I pulled Bella in close to me and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry, Bella. This is make or break for my career and I can't say no." She just nodded. I took my phone out and handed it to Bella for her to enter all of her info. I had her phone, her email, her twitter, her facebook, I had everything. She made it real easy to get in touch with her. I almost chuckled and promised to see her again. She still deserved to be told face to face and I refused to waiver from that option. So, I would see her again. "I'll be in touch as soon as I can, it might be a few day, so don't worry, okay?"

"Please be careful, it sounds dangerous." I just nodded at her, I knew I couldn't tell her and yet all other words seemed inadequate to say. I leaned down and matched my forehead to hers as I nuzzled her nose.

"I'm sorry our time is cut short, I have so much to say to you." I spoke honestly and hoped that it didn't give her false hope.

"It's okay, go do what you need to do and we can talk later, okay?" I placed a small kiss to her lips and walked away.

Walking away hurt more than I thought it would, way more. I didn't know if I should be scared by that fact or excited. Either way I didn't have time to dwell on it now. I had arrangements to make.

My first call was to mom and dad. They agreed to meet me in Seattle. That seemed to be the only way for us to see each other before I went. Dad said it would be no problem, they would see me off and stay for dinner. My next call was to Makenna. Her sister ran a travel agency and she always helped me set up my flights for work. I explained that importance and my time schedule. She agreed to get me on a flight to D.C. as soon as possible. My only task left was to get to Seattle as soon as possible.

I mentally checked over the items I had with me. I knew I had enough clothes and toiletries. I had my credit cards, ID, press pass and passport with me as well. I had my hard-sided case that contained my laptop, my cameras and my extra lenses. I had done this job long enough to know that you had to have certain items with you at all times, otherwise you lost out on the job. I learned that the hard way, it was a mistake I would never repeat. I was set, I just needed to get there and get a flight out.

The drive to Seattle seemed to go much faster than I anticipated so it must be due to my nerves. These types of assignments always set me on edge a little. You never know what could go wrong on these. It was always a fly by the seat of your pants mission. I knew without a doubt that the military had it planned down to the second, including several sets of contingency plans. But with all the variables, it was always left open to variations. And my jitters, well, it was still unknown to me if they were from nerves or excitement. I just closed my eyes and prayed for the best possible outcome for all parties. Well, maybe not for Saddam but just for the rest of us.

When I met mom and dad in the parking lot of the airport, I immediately began to switch over all my necessities to my hard-sided case. That way I could carry it on and not have to check anything. I packed them all in around my cameras and closed it up. Dad took my other suitcase and agreed to hold on to it till I got back, then he would ship it to me. I returned the rental car and went to check in.

Makenna got me a flight that would depart in the next 30 minutes, so I really had no time with either of my parents. It was enough that they came to see me, it comforted me that they would still drop everything to run to me whenever I needed them to. I pulled them off to a secluded corner and explained where I was going and my exact assignment to them. Just in case, I wanted someone to know. I prayed they would never need that knowledge but I still wanted them to know.

Mom's reaction was exactly as I thought it would be, she teared up and almost tackled me in a bear hug. Dad looked stunned and surprised but proud all at the same time. I gave them Garrett's number again just in case and we stood to say our goodbyes.

I sat down and pulled out my phone to send out a few last minutes texts before I had to shut it off. I sent one to my family and told them all how sorry I was that I had to cut the trip short. Then I sent one to Garrett to tell him when I would arrive in D.C., and lastly, I sent one to Bella.

**B~I'm so sorry, I gotta be honest, I worry that I would ever be enough for you for this exact reason.**

Her response was mixed in with the others.

Garrett informed me where I would meet up with the other three that were flying over with me and a contact person when I get to D.C. Mom, dad and Rose all sent their love and best wishes. Alice complained that we didn't get to shop for an updated wardrobe for me. Jasper asked thinly veiled questions as he tried to guess where I was going and the reason behind it. Emmett just sent me a knuckle bump.

I opened Bella's last.

**E~you're perfect for me. We'll work it out, don't end us before we start. Day by day, okay?**

I couldn't help but respond one more time to her.

**B~how do I even deserve you? Day by Day! Be Safe!**

I smiled like a jackass when her response vibrated my phone again.

**E~you too! XOXO until I see you again.**

The loud speaker roared to life and I shut off all of my electronic devices. Thank God my iPod was not on that list. I would be lost without that thing. I pulled out a magazine and read a few articles until I felt ready to doze off to sleep.

Sleep was a good thing. It allowed me to not be nervous and think of all the possibilities for the remainder of the flight. I woke as the stewardess made her way down the aisles and let us know we had just landed. I gathered my case and made my way out to the car that should be waiting for me.

A few hours later I was thankful for that sleep on the plane. I had sat through a military briefing that was vague but scary, a short dinner that tasted like cardboard and another plane that would take us to Balad military base in Iraq. From Balad we would meet up with the squad that would make the raid and then we would travel to Saddam's location under the cover of night. It would be lots of wait time but it would be worth it if it all went off correctly.

We met the squad leader, Colonel James Hickey, and he explained the supposed location layout to us. There would be two vehicles that traveled in that night, the first one would arrive to ascertain if the information that was given was correct and to find Saddam. The second vehicle would transport the civilians, us, and other equipment they would need. We would arrive after the area was searched and all dangers were eliminated.

The silence as we waited was deafening but soon enough the radio was alive with the buzz about his capture. Our vehicle moved towards the town so that we could document the happenings. I took pictures all along the way, I captured the countryside, the houses and living conditions, I captured anything that would explain the American public exactly what these soldiers lived through over here in a foreign country all to defend our rights.

I knew the war was a dividing point for most Americans. You either believed one side or the other but at the same time, no matter what your position on the war is, you have to support and encourage the soldiers that give up their time and families to go over there and protect us. So that is what I wanted to capture. How they lived and what they went through. I also hoped the show the gratitude of the Iraqi people that had hope for the first time without Saddam's leadership thumb over them.

Our convoy stopped and we all stepped out. I attached my finger to the button of my camera and never stopped taking pictures. Rubble, bombed out houses, discarded half burnt vehicles, the disgusting ways the people had to live, the ruins, the beautiful houses that still stood in the midst of the devastation. I didn't care, I captured it all. I took pictures of the troops responsible and of Saddam himself. I was shocked at the disgust and anger I felt for him. All and all it was a good night, we got a lot accomplished, more than we could ever expect or even hope for. One of America's most hated and feared enemies was now going to be a simple news report for the world to hear from our President. I was proud to be a part of it, no matter how small a part, I was still a part.

The next few days went by without a problem. In fact, we ended up being shown several other areas of Iraq. There had been several acts of retaliation because we now held their leader but nothing serious. I had even relaxed somewhat when we were told we were being sent home. They gave us about two hours to pack up our stuff and contact our agencies to notify them we were on our way home. They had confiscated our phones, iPad, laptops and all other communication items when we arrived. It was for our safety as much for theirs. So, each afternoon we were allowed an hour where we could communicate and in my case send my pictures to Garrett, after they were approved of course. I sent every single shot to him and he began to broker them out while I uploaded a copy to my online storage database as well. I sent several emails to the family and to Bella and then I closed it all up to be packed away. I was excited to be going home. I wanted to be back on American soil.

We flew by helicopter from our current location in southern Iraq back to Balad air base. We would fly out from Balad back to the states. About ten miles outside of Balad we noticed the first signs of trouble. Several ground to air missles were shot at us and we managed to dodge them. We gained as much altitude as the helicopter would let us with the hopes that it would stop the attackers. It did not. It increased them.

On the third hit to the helicopter I heard the dreaded words, the words that no one ever wants to hear uttered to them. "Prepare yourselves, we're going down." I pushed my case under the small jump seat I sat in and locked it in place with my legs. I pulled tighter on the harnesses that strapped me in my seat and made sure my helmet was in place. I said a small prayer for our safety as I noted the looks of panic on the faces around me. It was a strange dichotomy because the soldiers were in rapid motion preparing for the crash while the average joe's were in slow motion with looks of sheer terror and panic across their faces. I almost longed to reach for my camera to show the conflict and range of emotions but realized that I couldn't get it out now. All I could do at this point was brace for impact and pray we made it. That we were close enough to our destination that we would rescued soon and by the correct side as well. I prayed that my family and friends wouldn't get the call that no wants to get. I prayed that I would have a chance to speak to Bella again. I prayed that one day I would see my kids playing in the yard while I grilled some steaks for dinner. I prayed that the woman by my side when I lived out these dreams was Bella. I knew that there were a million reasons why we shouldn't work but right this moment she was all I wanted. In fact I think she was all I had ever wanted and I was just too stupid or too scared to admit it. I prayed I made it back home to her to tell her those exact words and to whisper to her how much I loved her, how much I had always loved her.

I just prayed.

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><p><strong>EN: So next chapter will be Bella's chapter. Are you pissed at me for leaving it like that? Sorry, we just need to hear what Bella has to say next before we see what happens to Edward. Leave me some love or hate, I can take it!**

**Till next time...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This is for my dear sweet Chloe Masen, her laptop crashed on her and we are trying to find a way to get her back up and running cause to be honest I can't live without her stories! I just can't! A big thanks to Twistar Junkie, she beta'd this with way too much on her plate already, so I want to send her a huge amount of love for that! **

**I hope you enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6-Bella<strong>

I sat in stunned silence. In fact, the last two days have been one large blur.

First, Edward got called away on assignment. He couldn't tell us what or where, but I knew it was an important one for him. I could see it in his eyes as he left. In the way he said goodbye to all of his family. I saw the sadness in his eyes.

And to be honest, it surprised me. I expected him to tell me that we weren't going to work. Then, when he showed up, it seemed he had changed his mind at some point during the night. I was thrilled.

I wanted Edward in my life. Every single decision I had made after I left him in Forks had not work out. I wanted to go back and correct my mistake. I wanted him back, not just because of the mistakes, but because he was what I had wanted all along. I was just too stupid to realize it and too stubborn to admit it.

The young woman in me thought that I had to sever ties with my old life in order to gain a new one. Little did I know how wrong I was. The only people that still cared for me in any way were those that I tried to leave behind. My friends and family in Forks.

Edward was scared to trust me, I knew he was. I didn't blame him, I would be scared too. I just had to find a way to prove to him that I was being honest this time. For the first time in about ten years, I was honest with myself. I didn't care what others wanted, what was good for my career, what I should want or any of those useless notions. I went with my gut and laid all my cards on the table.

Esme laid her hand on my arm, her patient smile greeted me when I snapped out of my memories and turned to look at her. "You doing okay?" My heart hurt that her son was lost, missing, and yet she was worried if I was doing okay. I pulled her into a hug. I didn't know if it was for her or me, but either way, we took comfort in each other. Both of our eyes filled with tears, but we refused to let them fall. We chose to be strong, to believe that he was fine.

_Several days earlier…_

_I had no immediate assignments, so I took a few extra days and stayed in Forks. I tried to tell everyone else that it was because I was enjoying catching up with everyone, but deep down inside, I knew it was because I felt closer to Edward here. I could imagine him in each spot I passed on the streets, I could remember the times we had spent here together, and I had yearned for more of that since he was gone from me. _

_We were sat at the table for Sunday dinner at Carlisle and Esme's house. Charlie had to work the second shift and wouldn't be home, so Alice convinced me to stay and eat with them. It didn't take much begging from her; I wanted to be here. _

_It worried me that Edward had not texted or called me. But a part of me just chastised myself for being too clingy. He was at work, he had a job to do, and there was no way he could spend all of his time with me. I pushed the feelings aside and enjoyed the dinner. _

_Until we heard the knock on the door. _

_It sounded different, and it felt different than a normal knock. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I knew something was wrong, and since Edward was the only person not with us, I immediately sensed it was about him. _

_Carlisle answered the door and ushered in the two uniformed officers. Both were decked out in full Army dress uniforms; this seemed strange to all of us. The looks exchanged spoke of our confusion. The officers asked us to sit and we all did without question. We wanted to know the reason for their visit. _

_"Mr. Cullen, my name is Major Ron Wilson. I'm with the U.S. Army and we're here to speak to you about your son, Edward Cullen." Esme gasped and Carlisle took her hand in his. All eyes were glued to these two men that now sat in the living room with us. "He was on assignment with the Army unit that went in to retrieve Saddam Hussein. He was several hours behind the troops and didn't arrive until we had him in custody. The site was secured and we allowed several civilians in the area to document the scene. When they were finished, we flew them out by helicopter. Our hopes were to get them out quickly and back to the safety of our base." I glanced from face to face in the room and they all wore the same shocked, scared facial expression I could feel resided on my face. I wanted to scream at him to hurry the hell up and tell us what happened, but it seemed the wrong thing to do so I sat quietly. "The helicopter was fired at and took a direct hit. It went down. We have several groups out looking for the crew and civilians, but as of right now, your son is missing." Esme began to cry and Carlisle pulled her close to him. _

_Jasper and Emmett held Alice and Rose, as well. They each launched into questions and I tried to listen to them. I tried to piece together the things that everyone said, but I couldn't. I left the room and quietly climbed the stairs. I made my way to Edward's old bedroom and climbed in the bed. I held his pillow to my face and breathed in his scent. _

_I lay in his bed and cried. I had wasted so much time, and now, it may not be mine to take back again. I felt Rose and Alice slip in the bed with me. We all remained silent, each of us caught up in our own bubble of memories. _

_The next several days were a blur. I called work and let them know that, for the time being, I was going to stay in Forks. I explained what happened and they told me to take my time. I knew my bank account would suffer, but right now I didn't care about things as trivial as that. I cared about getting Edward back. _

_Carlisle went into work, but the rest of us hung around the house. We tried to find things to occupy our minds, but nothing really worked. Each time the phone would ring or a knock would sound against the door, we would all freeze. It was a heart stopping moment to say the least. We all prayed that it was not the news we feared the most. _

_The two gentlemen from the Army stayed with us for the most part. They advised us what could and could not be said to the local media. They handled phone calls and coordinated all the new info that came in. Their presence was a constant reminder, a constant source of worry. What would we do if the news we didn't want to hear came? How would we cope with that info? I prayed that I didn't have to figure that out in the near future. I prayed that Edward would come home and never put any of us through that scenario. _

_I stayed in Edward's room. When the stress became too much, I would retreat to the third floor and wander around his room. I would look over his albums of pictures. Pictures of all of us in school from the years, and then the photos he took in the beginning of his professional career. I looked through the stacks of framed pictures he had stored in his closet. I tried to imagine what he would see, think or feel when he took the pictures. I read through the journals that he wrote after we broke up. After I'd left him behind with very little explanation. _

_I read of his heartbreak, of his plans for us, and how it affected him. I read it in his words, saw his pain, and felt his heartbreak. I realized the trauma I put him through with that one simple action, and now I might not get to take it back or make it right. _

_A small knock on Edward's door made me sit up and place the journal under his pillows. Esme walked in to sit with me. She looked older, just around the eyes where you could see the worry lines. I hoped that she was holding up okay; I never even thought to ask her, I was so focused on my own sadness. _

_"Hey, how are you?" I asked her. _

_"Could be better." We both chuckled at her attempt at humor. "I came to see how you are, actually. I know this has to be hard." She smoothed my hair away from my face. _

_"I just hate the turn of events. I hate that I can't go back and take it all away, that I can't make it all okay." I wiped at a tear that fell down my face. "Not that taking it all back would make this whole situation easier. In fact, it would make it harder, but I would still like him to know how I feel. Anything to give him something to hold onto, to keep him alive. You know?" I asked._

_"He knows, sweetie, he does. Edward thinks a lot, and he knows that he cares for you and you care for him. He will hold onto that, so don't you worry." Esme's sweet words enveloped me, and I prayed she was right_.

Exactly thirty-six hours later we got a call. They had found Edward and the rest of the press crew. A few minor injuries were received during the crash, but the troops that were with them kept them safe. They were all a little dehydrated and sick from being in the elements, but they were fine. They were scheduled to fly to Frankfurt, Germany, then to JFK airport in New York. We could meet them at JFK. They would be admitted for a few days, and then debriefed. It would take about ten days before they would be released to come home.

News about their disappearance had already hit the press and since Edward had uploaded his photos before he went missing, he was getting even more publicity. His shots were amazing; he had detailed all aspects of life there and how it was affected by Saddam and his rule. Of course, it was used to garner more publicity for Time. They also did a large article on Edward and featured several of the other famous photos he had taken over his career. Each of the press representatives had been featured. It was the easiest to feature Edward however, because of his photos. One of the others was a news reporter and that was a bit harder to translate into a printed article. The same thing went for the cameraman, so, it was natural that Edward became the face of the bunch. I was okay with that, to me he deserved the most press. All of his work became instantly recognized and Garrett had received numerous offers for him, once he was home and rested.

I just wanted to get to him. I needed to see him and touch him. I needed to tell him that I was sorry and how much I loved him. How much I had always loved him, but had been too stubborn to admit it. I knew that now, and I hoped that the fact that it took me almost losing him to realize that didn't come across as a negative in his mind.

We boarded the flight for New York. Esme had to tell the Major that was with us that we were engaged, so that I would be allowed to go with them. It was a family only kind of thing, so Esme told them I was almost family. I hoped that Edward didn't mind the lie. It almost made me chuckle to think of it. Me…engaged to Edward…without his knowledge. I think it was the fact that I was on my way to see him that made me giddy, not the actual lie that Esme told. Either way, I was happy!

When we arrived, we were directed to a large room. They would allow Edward and the others in to see their families first, then we would go across the hall to a room where they could give a statement and answer questions for a short time.

We all milled about as we waited. The wait was so nerve-wracking. I was almost in tears when the door opened and they walked in.

Edward was thinner, he looked frail like he had been sick, his skin was sun burnt, and his lips were dry and cracked. But he was beautiful. His dad and mom ran to him and both engulfed him in a large hug. Then Alice, Rose, Emmett, and Jasper took over. I stood back, off to the side. It seemed like the crowd parted and left an empty path between Edward and I. We both stood and took each other in. My feet were rooted to their spot, and it seemed like forever before he started to move towards me. His face split into a large smile as he almost ran the short distance to me.

"Oh God, Bella. I missed you," he cried into my shoulder, and I cried into his. The emotions were too much to hold in, and it seemed foolish to let them out now since he was safe in my arms, but I couldn't hold them in. I held Edward and we cried together, both with tears of relief and joy.

Later that night, when all of the press was over and we headed back to his house, we had a few quiet moments to talk in the car.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"Yes and no, I can't wait to get home and take a hot shower. To sleep in my bed, to wear my clothes." He gave me a slight smile, and I wondered what else he thought, but was afraid to say out loud.

"Everyone is thrilled to have you back home, especially your mom and dad. It's been hard on them, the not knowing." His fingers wove themselves in between my own and his warmth immediately soothed me. It took away all the residual worry and anxiety that was left over with him gone.

"Everyone? You included?" His face was filled with hesitation.

"Me the most. I can't even tell you how much I missed you and all the things I realized while you were gone." He leaned in and gave me sweet kiss.

"I want to talk about all those things, but it looks like we might have to wait a little while longer, okay?" His hand tightened around mine. I looked out the windows and realized we were surrounded.

The streets were lined with people when we made it back to Forks. We slowed down and Edward leaned out to wave and thank the people there. The mayor put together an official parade and all for him; it was just the people showing him how glad they were he was home. It brought me to tears, this was what living in a small town is all about…the love and support that was shown to one another in times of need. It made me want this again, to live here, to be a part of this camaraderie and to feel like I belong somewhere.

It was like a bolt of lightning. I wanted a family, a home, and a small town to raise my kids in. I want it all…with Edward. No one else, no more playing around, no guessing, I knew without a doubt that he was the one, he always had been. I was just too young and too stupid to realize it.

When I thought of all the time I had wasted for us, I started to cry. At that exact moment, Edward stuck his head back inside the car. "Oh, Bella, what's wrong? I'm here, I'm fine now; I swear it!"

I delicately wiped the snot off of my nose and tried to stem the tears that fell. "It's not that, Edward, I'm just so stupid, and I wasted so many years for us. We could have been together all this time, and yet, I threw it away because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I followed Lauren and Jessica's example and look where it got me…all alone for all this time. I should have been smart enough to do things my own way and not follow them. Hell, I hated them!" I cried even more, for all the lost time. Edward just chuckled and pulled me close to his body.

"Baby, don't cry. It's never for nothing. Who's to say that if we had stayed together that we would still be together now? We needed that time to grow and decide what we wanted, now that we know…well, it will make things so much better between us, right?"

I was stunned, I never expected him to feel the same way. Especially based on how he acted when we parted last time. I expected him to be wishy-washy, on the fence, torn, not sure….never did I expect this confident, sure man that sat beside me. My mouth gaped open, and I blinked several times. I furiously thought to get something out, something intelligent to say.

Edward just laughed at me, kissed my temple and used his left hand to close my mouth for me. "Keep that closed, sweet Bella. I would hate to put that to use here in this car with all those people standing right outside."

Needless to say, it fell right back open with that remark. Edward pulled me close again and laughed at my expression. This was the boy I remembered, the one that stole my heart with his playful banter and sharp wit. This was the person I longed for all those years, and I would be damned if I let him- get away this time.

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><p><strong>EN: So they are back together now, are you happy about that? I am! I have a little more for you, it will post soon:)**

**Till next time...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:To my dear sweet readers…life has been crazy. A lot has happened and to be honest I've been super overwhelmed. I'm good, please don't take this as a sign that an illness or anything major has happened, it hasn't. It's just every day normal life, work, kids, husband and other obligations. It all had kinda sucked the will to write out of me for the last few months. **

**Good news is that I'm itching to write and post now, so life might return to somewhat normal – 'whatever the hell that is' to coin Eternally Addicted.**

**Part of my return to writing, I've looked over what I had open and unfinished. When I got to Fade Into Me I realized that this small epi is the last chapter, it is really the end of it all. I don't have any more notes or plot points written out so I'm marking it complete at this point. It's unbeta'd so it's all my mistakes and errors. I just feel like you all deserve the finality that I've been promising for so long. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

**Three years later**

"Come on, babe, we're gonna be late." Edward shouted from downstairs. I gathered the last few toiletry items and shoved them in my bag and rushed off. I didn't want to be late. This was Edward's job after all.

The ride to the airport was quiet and we were both excited. Edward and I headed to Paris to cover the Olympics. I had several different magazines that wanted me to write some freelance articles for them and Edward was there to document it in pictures.

Edward had been there before, but I had not. We had three weeks absolutely full of things to do, we were able to schedule a few days of rest, but the rest were absolutely full. I couldn't wait. The city of love, romance and I had three whole weeks to spend there with Edward.

Security was a bitch, but I guess I understood because there were a lot of extra people flowing in and out of the city right now, all the athletes, judges, coaches, and dignitaries that wanted to cheer on their teams. Not to mention the regular people that wanted to watch as well. I tried my best to be patient and tough it out. It was much easier when Edward wrapped his arms around me and laid gentle kisses across my forehead. All the anxiety, weariness and displeasure went south and I suddenly felt fine, even more so when our line started to move.

Faster than humanly possible we were out of there and into a cab on the way to our apartment. The magazine Edward worked for figured it would be cheaper and easier for the two of us to stay in an apartment instead of a hotel. I agreed and was happy with the change, more like our real life. I would cook and clean up for us as we enjoyed the city. Edward didn't care either way.

He pointed out so many of the sights we had on our list to see as we drove away from the airport. I commented on his enthusiasm. "It's like seeing it for the first time with you, experiencing the city of love with the one I love, there are no words." I blushed and ducked my head.

Everything with Edward was like I was doing it for the first time, we both knew not to take a single day for granted after his near death a few years ago. Carpe diem was more than words to us know.

The first week was super busy, we were too tired at night to even go and see the sights for ourselves, we saw what we needed to write or photograph and that was it, so to say we were excited for our five days off was an understatement. We ate at a café around the corner from our apartment and then headed off to see the Lourve, Edward and I both had several different items we wanted to see, My super planner that he was, had mapped out our exact route to take so that each of us got to see the paintings that were important to us.

Next we walked over the bridge to the Musee d'Orsay to see some of the impressionist stuff that Edward raved about. I had to admit the more he talked the more I wanted to see the paintings that moved him so. It really was a who's who and boasted works by Manet, Van Gogh and Delacroix.

We had lunch at another stereotypical café and made our way to the metro. We wanted to stop at Sacre Coeur. It has a fantastic terrace and since it was a perfectly clear day, we wanted to be able to look out across Paris.

On our way back to the apartment we shopped for a few souvenirs for our family. I made a light dinner and we fell asleep in front of the open patio doors with a view of The Eiffel Tower as it was lit up in support of the Olympics.

We decided to see Pere Lachaise Cemetery today. I wanted to see the French playwright Moliere, but Edward was more interested in Jim Morrison's grave. There were plenty for us to see since Oscar Wilde, Edith Piaf and Richard Wright were there as well.

After we were done there at the Cemetery, we decided to see the Eifel Tower up close. Then we headed down the Seine River in a boat tour. The tour would let us off at Notre Dame so we could look around there.

We spent the rest of the day at Notre Dame. We walked through the dramatic towers and spires. The stained glass and statuaries took my breath away. It was so amazing to realized the age and how many people had walked through these places out of breath at the beauty just like I had. It made me feel small and yet so large at the same time. The entire day I held Edward's hand, I was so thankful that we were here together.

So, thankful in fact that I began to think about our future and how we would spend it. When Edward first came home, our only intention was to help him heal and making sure he was going to be alright. Then we focused on making sure that every single second of every day was filled with memories of us together. Now I guess I can look forward to the future, with Edward by my side. I went so far as to think that now would be a great time to get married since we were in the City of Love. Now, how do I convince Edward of this?

I was so lost in thought as we left Notre Dame that I had no realized it was getting dark, and that Edward had lagged behind. When I turned to question him I realized he was down on one knee.

"Bella, will you marry me?"

* * *

><p><strong>EN: I'm sure that's going to upset or disappoint some of you and I'm sorry. It was not my intention, I swear. I just feel like these two are at a happy point and why force something that isn't there to begin with. **

**Chloe Masen, I'm sorry. I know you love this story and I thank you for your encouragement to get the last chapter finished, I needed the kick in the pants to get it done! **

**I wanna promise so many things but at this point in time I think you need to see chapters and not promises from me so I won't say a word, I'll just get busy getting the other left open stories finished up, okay? **

**Till next time…**


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